


Take my Breath Away

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ANY RE-PUBLICATION FOR PROFIT/MONETIZED SITES/APPS IS NOT AUTHORIZED OR SUPPORTED BY ME, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon Compliant, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-01-22 12:35:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 48
Words: 28,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21302156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: Drabble-ish time stamps following the devolopment of Wooyoung and San's relationship.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung, Park Seonghwa/Kang Yeosang if you look with binoculars
Comments: 36
Kudos: 217





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my space babies. This work is entirely a work of fiction. I don't claim that WooSan is real. I just really feel that they have a very special relationship that might (or may not) be more serious than they want the cameras to know.  
Much love ♥
> 
> Title comes from Berlin - Take my Breath Away

They were just teenagers when they met each other for the first time, at the audition for KQ Entertainment new boy group.  
Both with black awkwardly chopped hair, uneven teeth, thin and a bit gangly.  
Disproportionated, like teenagers are.  
San couldn't dance and Wooyoung’s voice was still shaking when he tried to sing.  
So young that they were still questioning if this was the path that they really wanted to walk down, when the nights were dark and the anxiety that filled their minds even darker.  
Fighting every morning they woke up, with willpower alone to fulfil their dream.  
Wooyoung had the experience, newly exchanged from Big Hit entertainment when their plan for him didn’t match his aspirations, and San had the ambition, the voice, visuals and confidence needed for an idol.  
Wooyoung’s face flushed when he reached out to shake San’s hand and the smile that the other gave him made butterflies flutter happily in his stomach.  
There was a four-month age difference between them, but San insisted for Wooyoung to drop the honorifics when it automatically slipped through his lips in a middle of a sentence.  
Wooyoung’s face flushed again, he looked away with a shy smile on his lips and the days passed swiftly.  
The group was formed, and they worked even harder.  
Trained together, sang together, ate together, showered together and more often than not, slept in the same bed together.  
San quickly became the one that Wooyoung went to when things were bothering him, the one he sought out when he needed someone to laugh with, the only one who could match his intensity and energy.  
The way only they bounced around each other was incomparable with any other member and in the middle of joking around, playing games, working their asses off at every monthly assessment and training until their feet bruise - they truly found each other.  
San was the mountain that Wooyoung constantly could lean on, the one he needed to be able to stand upright when the management was pressing them harder.  
In return, Wooyoung was the streaming river that San could draw energy from, ever flowing around him, strong and quick and everything San wanted to become.  
They became friends when they realized that they were more alike each other than any other member, and soulmates when they finished off each other’s sentences and did most things in sync after only four months, more or less acting like they’d lived together for twenty years.  
It was unbelievably amazing to have find someone at that young age.  
Empowering for the soul and absolutely terrifying for the body, because with that age came hormones and emotions - two things that there was no time to even think about and even though neither of them wanted to, they quickly shut down everything they felt.  
Only allowed it to slip out when they lost themselves in thought and couldn’t help themselves from drawing closer to the other, like there was a thin invisible string that connected their bodies.


	2. Chapter 2

_17:32_

San was resting in his bed, cuddling with his many, many plushies while browsing through a comic book, knew perfectly well that he should probably pick up the textbook on Japanese that rested at his side and study instead.  
He pouted, sighed deeply, considered the consequences for a few seconds before he decided that the comic book isn’t worth the scolding.  
He was just about to roll over when a familiar figure rounded the corner to his and Yunho’s bedroom.  
“San-ah, I’m bored”  
Wooyoung whined loudly and San sat up enough to lean against his arms instead before he rolled his eyes to the expression on the younger’s face.  
“I’m studying, go away”  
He said and stuck out his tongue before laying down again.  
The lie would’ve worked if it wasn’t for the smile that tugged on his lips, a smile that Wooyoung saw just before his friend laid down.  
He squinted at said friend and closed the distance between them in a few quick strides before he jumped up with one foot on the ladder at the side as an aid, to join his friend on the bed.  
“Liar”  
The younger scolded, hit San’s leg with a soft flick of his wrist to make place and moved a few plushies aside before he lied down next to the older, stealing the place from said plushies as the cuddler with one arm and leg thrown over his friends’ body.  
Eyes dark and big like a fawn’s and something stirs in San’s stomach when he meets them, barely three decimetres from his face.  
“Entertain me”  
The younger said shortly, like he was a prince in the 1st century BC and San existed only to please him.  
San just scoffed and shook his head, broke their gaze and focused it on the textbook in his hands instead.  
“Entertain yourself Woo, I still gotta study even if I’ve only procrastinated so far”  
Wooyoung pouted, San saw it in his peripheral, fluttered his eyelashes and said with his sweetest voice.  
“Pretty, pretty please hyung, I’m so, so bored that I’d let you do anything with me”  
Something shifted in San’s body.  
Something _raw and ancient and real and so, so bad__,_ that his body froze, and he could feel how he gripped the book tighter when his friend smiled bright.  
He suddenly felt trapped underneath the youngers limbs.  
Shook him off and quickly sat up again.  
Cleared his throat, a bit more awkward than he liked to admit while putting the book aside.  
“Sure, let’s play a game”  
Wooyoung doesn’t seem to notice the awkwardness that San felt and sits up as well just as the older turned around, wet his lips and proceed to start a game of Di Bi Di Bi Dib, calmed his racing, confused heart and smiled softly when Wooyoung threw a small adorable tantrum when he lost at the first turn.


	3. Chapter 3

_11:25_

San was singing in the shower and it echoed through the thin walls of their dorm.  
It made Wooyoung pause the game he was playing, and he furrowed his brows as he tried to make out the words in the American song.  
He swallowed, sighed and something about the sadness in San’s voice told him that it was a ballad.  
Maybe about lost love.  
Maybe about someone who doesn’t love him back.  
Wooyoung could only understand snippets of it but he still found himself humming along when San sang the chorus again, earned a surprised look from his long-time friend, who sat across from him on the lower bunk bed.  
“Shut up”  
The younger whispered under his breath and Yeosang flicked his head, a teasing smile on his lips but he doesn't say anything.   
Wooyoung wet his lips while he looked back down on the small screen he was holding.  
Tried to start up the game again, but it was only a façade, because he was listening, wondered why San never sang like this when they were together.  
Almost shivered because his friend was so talented is kind of scared him...  
San stopped a few minutes later after he’d repeated the song a couple of times, exited the shower and Wooyoung just caught his figure as he walked past the bedroom, a towel around his hips and hair still wet.   
Wooyoung swallowed hard, caught Yeosang’s eyes again and the older of the two just shook his head again, a look of disbelief on his face.  
But he still doesn’t say anything and Wooyoung was thankful when he got back to the game the two were playing.


	4. Chapter 4

_19:52_

Summer.

The evening sun painted the sky in an explosion of pastel colours and San’s cheeks were matching the deep red between the bright yellow and the dark blue above the clouds.  
His hand were holding a friend.  
His heart were tugging in confusion.  
“Why did you invite me to join you?”  
He asked, scared of the answer.  
Worried that the question was stupid.  
That friend of his, just four months younger but with twice as much charisma and personality, according to San himself, giggled and the sound of it made him smile back.  
As if he couldn’t stop himself.  
“I just wanted to watch the stars with you, silly”  
San frowned and looked at the lowering sun, knew with experience from watching countless sunsets, that it would be at least another hour until the sky would be covered in stars.  
“But…”  
He started, intended to ask why Wooyoung had stubbornly begged him to join him now and not at a better time but his friend didn’t let him.  
“Don’t ruin my future memory” He said with a stern voice and hushed him with a finger over his lips.  
A twinkle in those gorgeous eyes of his.


	5. Chapter 5

_21:46_

“You’re cute, you know, that right?”   
San's voice was hoarse, almost too honest to be comfortable.  
Wooyoung stifled a giggle behind his hand.   
Unsure of the certainty of the other’s words.   
His heart flipped hard and something unfamiliar boiled in his stomach when San looked at him from his place on floor, propped up against the wall in the middle of the hallway that ran through the whole dorm.   
One eyebrow raised as he looked at Wooyoung with slightly hooded eyes.   
Lips tugging up in a lopsided smirk and the sudden feeling of butterflies in the youngers stomach was frightening, strange and he seemed to freeze at the spot while watching the older.   
Felt how those butterflies flew upwards, clogged his throat and made his breath hitch as a hazy alluring mist of what could only be described as attraction poured over him, like a cold shower.   
He felt his smile faltered slightly when San stuck his tongue out before he brought the bottle of cheap, light beer that he held in a tight grip, back to his lips.   
“Why are you drinking?”   
Wooyoung cleared his throat and tried to shake the uncomfortable distressed feelings that clouded his mind but was only met with a shrug.  
“Why not? It’s Saturday, we’re nineteen. I should be out there, partying with people our age. But…”  
He frowned and stood up, slowly and steadily while leaning against the wall.   
Almost knocking out the three already empty bottles at his side.   
He cleared his throat and paused, as if he lost the dialogue in a train of thought and Wooyoung reached his hand out for his friend to take.  
“But you don’t have any friends?”   
He finished with a grin and San squinted at him, debated in his mind if he wanted to get angry or not, decided that it was too much work and grabbed Wooyoung’s warm hand with a scoff.  
“I have friends… I have you”


	6. Chapter 6

_13:26_

“Why do you always see the best in me?”  
It was the middle of September and just weeks until their debut.  
Wooyoung’s hair was a beautiful violet and now at the moment, when the Moroccan sun was at its highest, he looked just like San had always envisioned an angel to look like.  
“Of course, I always see the best in you, why wouldn’t I?”  
Wooyoung asked confused, maybe even a bit hurt.  
Frowned as he ate his lunch underneath the tenth that protected them from direct sunlight.  
San felt his cheeks heat up, pursed his lips in thought at where exactly he wanted the sentence that just slipped out of his mouth to go.  
Sometimes, like now, for instance, he didn’t think before he spoke and at the moment, he didn’t know what to say to his defence.  
“I mean…”  
He paused again, drank some water to buy more time and fiddled with the cap while he continued.  
“I mean… how can you see so much good when there’s so much bad?”  
He asked and ducked his head to inspect his shoes instead, worried that Wooyoung, his friend, his best friend, would just scoff and walk away.  
“San-ah… you don’t mean that?”  
He was pouting and a deep sigh escaped his lips when San nodded, quietly.  
Happy that the tenth they stood under was empty for the time being or he would’ve died with shame.  
Without a warning, Wooyoung’s arms were wrapped around his frame.  
Hugging him tight.  
Like he never ever planned on letting him go.  
“You are so good that there isn’t one ounce of bad in you. Don’t say such things about yourself”  
He sounded so sincere that San could almost believe the words he spoke.  
That he was good, as a person and at what he was doing.  
Too bad that familiar voice in the back of head reminded him that it wasn’t the case.  
It wasn’t the case at all.


	7. Chapter 7

_16:12_

“Have you ever wished that you could rewind something?”   
Wooyoung asked, resting on his back on the sofa.   
His head in San’s lap.   
Both of them watching TV just before going to bed a few days after their debut.   
San thought back on the past days, the rush that still ran through their veins.   
The hope and dream they’d been holding on to for so long finally realized.   
“Yeah…” He said back, thoughtfully, fingers playing with the washed out, now lilac, soft hair of the other and tried to block out how amazingly perfect it sounded when Wooyoung’s breath hitched as he softly pulled on the strands.


	8. Chapter 8

_11:13_

“Does this shirt look ugly on me?”   
San’s voice was unsure and he clicked his tongue, unsatisfied when he checked his figure from every possible angle in the mirror, tucked it into his pants, untucked it again.   
His motions quick and frustrated.  
Wooyoung looked up from the twitter feed on his phone, glanced over at his best friend over the edge of his glasses from his half sitting position on the bed on the opposite side of the room. San met his eyes in the mirror.   
His jaw was clenched.   
He expected an answer.   
But Wooyoung’s mouth went dry when he locks gaze with those intense dark eyes.   
He bit his cheek, swallowed hard, quickly collect some courage and was just on the verge of answering when San exhaled a sigh, looked away, tucked the shirt into his pants again and exited the bedroom without another word.


	9. Chapter 9

_18:46_

A few days after Christmas and Wooyoung inspected himself in the bathroom mirror, his fingertips pressed hard underneath his chin bones to make the edge of his jawline even more prominent.   
Did he gain weight again?   
His thoughts were interrupted.  
“Youngie?”   
A happy voice he recognized so well resonated in his being and he quickly let his arms fall back to his sides again.   
“What are you doing?”   
The voice was worried, scared of the answer it already knew.   
Wooyoung looked over at San, the source of said voice.   
Met his frown, the way his eyebrows wrinkled, the sadness in his smile and wished so hard that he knew what to do to turn that smile into a happy one again.   
But he didn’t know what to do.   
Didn't know what to say to defend the dark thoughts that daily echoed inside his head.   
The ones that flooded his bloodstream like thick black tar.   
Forced himself not to scratch at his own skin when the feeling spread and walked past his friend, who stood aside, silent but reluctant.   
Keeping his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt to stop himself from accidentally reaching out.


	10. Chapter 10

_22:08_

Seoul were cold in the winters and that big dorm of theirs heated up slowly on especially cold days.  
They had good radiators, but the windows were poorly isolated and the chill from a constant breeze of cold wind was just on the edge of being bearable.  
Wooyoung sat huddled with his members on the sofa, everyone cuddled under two shared duvets, some with a hot mug of tea in hand, and an action movie on the tv.  
Their leader and youngest were fast asleep already, his long-time friend rested on one shoulder, holding onto the arm that wasn’t occupied with the lifesaving hot beverage.  
The oldest of the bunch snuggled up on the other side of said long-time friend, holding onto him and salvaging the rare time of not being rejected.  
A familiar, special other friend leaned against his other side, nestled against his frame, with his head resting on his shoulder so that Wooyoung’s arm was free to occasionally bring the mug to his lips.  
That black hair with faded red streaks of his tickled against his chin and he would’ve minded, ticklish as he was, if it wasn’t for the fact that he only had to inhale and that wonderful smell that was just him, just _San_, entered his body.  
Rushed through him like a drug and he brought the hot mug of tea to his lips again to suppress the deep contented sighs that threatened to escape his lips.


	11. Chapter 11

_01:00_

That same night and San was sitting on the windowsill in the bedroom he shared with Yunho.   
Watched as the snowflakes covered the landscape outside.   
Some of them got stuck against the frame of the window and he poked the glass with an almost childlike fascination, like he’d be able to touch the small masterpiece with his fingertip.   
Yunho muttered, drowsy and half asleep, that he should go to bed since they had to be up early that morning and San knew it was true. Knew that he’d be tired as hell when his alarm would ring in a few hours.   
But he wasn’t tired.  
He kept repeating that moment in his head, like a silent movie, as it went faster and faster and made him dizzy.   
Of Wooyoung’s breathing against his ear.  
The rise and fall of his chest against his back.   
The gulping noise he’d made when he swallowed his tea.   
The way he’d sighed against the back of his neck.   
The way San had to bite down on his lower lip to stop the nasty, filthy thoughts that entered his mind like a foggy smoke, painting up vivid pictures of that sweet sigh in a different situation.   
The way that strong chest would rise and fall underneath his fingertips, with the younger placed in his lap.   
San would try his utmost to be quiet, to not drench out those wonderful noises the other would make with his own moaning. 


	12. Chapter 12

_21:06_

Minutes after the concert was over.   
They were warm, sweaty from dancing and singing their hearts out.   
Proud to have finished yet another performance.   
Proud of their fans still screaming their names.   
Proud of themselves.  
Proud of each other.  
“Sannie, you have confetti in your hair”   
Wooyoung’s voice was light when he spoke, almost like he was still singing.   
His touch was soft, barely noticeable as he removed the paper from its place between the black and red locks.   
San wet his lips, mouth dry from singing and the way the younger smiled at him afterward.   
Placed the paper in a nearby trash bin so that staff doesn’t have to clean up after him.   
San gulped and murmured a “Thanks” before he looked away again.   
Scared that his heartbeats are just as loud as he can hear in his own ears.   
Scared that Wooyoung will notice that the redness that just appeared in his face wasn’t there when they got off the stage.   
Scared that the feeling of tiny fireworks exploding in the pit of his stomach was going to make him puke.


	13. Chapter 13

_23:57_

“I’m not used to this yet”   
Wooyoung met the eyes of the other, the small insecure smile on his lips when they folded up the bedsheets and prepared to go to bed.   
He seemed to regret the words he just said, his lips pursed as he looked away, flustered.  
“Not used to what?”  
The younger of the two asked.   
That too familiar, deep, twisted voice that scratched on the back of his head said that he’d done something wrong and now his friend had changed his mind about being his roommate for the night.  
Changed his mind about wanting to be close to him.   
“This hotel life… I’m not used to it”  
“Oh”   
He didn’t know what to say.   
Cringed hard on the inside for the stupid thoughts that’d been planted in his mind.   
Unsure if San just wanted to vent, if he wanted Wooyoung to agree with him, or if he wanted him to ask some kind of follow up question.  
“Sorry. I… I really shouldn’t complain, right?”  
San chuckled.   
But it sounded forced since the situation wasn’t funny and the blush that followed was even more painful than the sigh he let out when the atmosphere quickly turned awkward.  
“You can sleep in my bed if you want”   
Wooyoung wanted to slap himself when San looked up again and met his eyes with a small frown.  
“I… I mean, we can share… if you want. I really don’t mind. Not with you”  
He clenched his jaw.  
Cursed himself with the knowledge that he only dug himself further down into a grave he wouldn’t be able to climb out off.  
“Sure. I could use the company. But Shiber is joining as well”   
San said and the smile on his face was as bright as the sun, automatically making the other of the two smiles back.   
Unable to stop himself from sighing with relief.   
The older killed the lights, the dog plushie in a tight grip against his chest when he joined his friend underneath the covers.   
Their legs tangled together, and San lazily placed his arm around Wooyoung, and they quickly fell into a position they knew they both liked.   
Wooyoung with his head on San’s arm, nuzzling his nose into the swell of his shoulder and San’s hand automatically went up to play with Wooyoung’s hair in the back of his neck.   
Both acted like sleeping next to each other wasn’t natural to them, except it really was, they had shared bed countless times.   
With each other, with the other members.   
They pretended that it wasn’t, because they wanted to be stronger than they were.  
But they knew that they needed it, knew that they needed each other.   
Right now, in the dead of the night as much as any other time.  
When it was cold and when they needed comfort.   
In the past when the pressure of debuting and hardship of training became too much and the whole world was too dark and the heat from someone else, pressed with their face against soft skin with muscles that was already strong from years of training, was the only thing that could block it all out.


	14. Chapter 14

_00:19_

Wooyoung laid in his bed.   
Quietly watched the ceiling above him while Yeosang restlessly moved around in the bed underneath his, eventually found a comfortable position and finally fell asleep.   
But he, himself, couldn’t sleep.   
Couldn’t find the way to the comforting place he usually went when it was time to rest.   
His mind repeated the same memory for probably the hundredth time again, even though it was a few hours ago, he still closed his eyes and felt how his heart skipped a beat.   
They’d celebrated their first comeback with champagne that might have been a bit too strong and tasted nothing like he’d expected champagne to taste.   
They’d been laughing, dancing, singing along to their own music, played from the speakers of Wooyoung’s phone, until eventually, one member after another had gone to their rooms. Happiness still rushing through them, but their busy schedule in combination of getting slightly tipsy allowed drowsy sleepiness to overtake them quickly.  
The way San’s eyes were slightly hooded as he embraced him.  
Wrapping his arms around his body and invited him to dance closer.   
That certain way that only he could smile and Wooyoung was unsure if it was the dangerous sparkle in the other’s eyes or the fizzing drink that made him feel like he was stumbling on clouds.   
They held each other close, all alone, while swaying back and forth to the music that was still playing.  
“I wish I could stay with you like this forever”   
Something sincere and serious shadowed his face, overtaking the teasing tugging in those devilish lips of the older and Wooyoung giggled, looked away and felt how the tips of his ears heated up, thinking that San was only joking around.  
“Forever is a long time”   
He said and closed his eyes to just _feel_ when his favourite part of the song came.   
Felt how San’s body pressed up against his.  
Felt how he lightly parted Wooyoung’s thighs with his leg to get even closer.  
Felt how the alcohol buzzed in his blood, pulsating through his body.   
Felt how he seemed to move without thinking, to the rhythm of the music and lost himself in the mindless pleasure of just existing without any trouble on his mind.  
Felt how San arched his body back while he held him in a secure grip, with his arms locked around his waist.  
Felt how San’s soft lips pressed on that big artery just underneath his ear.  
Felt how those lips pressed another kiss underneath his jaw, how he breathed out a small gasp of hot air on the same spot.  
Felt how amazingly good those lips on his skin felt.  
Shuddered as he remembered how many times, he’d wished those lips to just press onto his.  
“Sorry”   
A hushed whisper broke the magic between them, and San gave him a pained expression before he turned on his heel.   
Wooyoung was left alone on the living room.   
The last verse of “Light” was playing and he swallowed hard.   
His heart were rushing, head spinning and the arousal that had started to build up in his body made him breathless.  
He stroked the small spot on his neck that still seemed to burn.   
Bit down on his tongue to suppress a choked sigh.


	15. Chapter 15

_15:36_

The end of January and Wooyoung’s hair was blonde.   
San gulped when he met the other’s eyes as he got back to the dorm, hair still smelling strongly of the floral shampoo used to cover the smell of burning bleach and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and twirl a lock of hair around his finger.   
Impressed with the softness of it.   
The hairdressers were some of the best ones.  
“Do you like it? It’s only temporary”   
Wooyoung spoke with a pout and San bit his lower lip, stopping the word-vomit of compliments that threatened to escape.  
“They could literally put any colour on your hair, and you’d look good, Young-ie”   
San clenched his jaw when the other’s brows furrowed slightly.   
He got worried for a second, that the small endorsement was too much, until Wooyoung broke out into a big grin, closed the small space between them and hugged his friend hard.   
A breath hitched in San’s throat from the impact and he wet his lips nervously, the blossoming feeling of the others body against him still made him feel dizzy.


	16. Chapter 16

_02:09_

San had always been a hugger.   
He craved the attention, the feeling of a warm body against his own.   
Sometimes, especially on the road while travelling from city to city in their home country, when he couldn’t sleep, he would roll out of bed and crawl under the covers of another member.   
They usually gave him a disgruntled groan but let join as he held onto their arm to ease the comfort he needed.  
The only one who didn’t push him away, who just as often sought out the warmth he craved as well,  
The only one who always turned around to greet him and took a deep content sigh as if he too, could breathe properly again,  
The only one who placed his arms around him and hugged him just as tight - was Wooyoung.   
“Sorry”   
San whispered into the soft hair of the other, apologizing that he woke him up.   
But his friend only shook his head, stretched his lean body and pressed up against San like a satisfied cat.   
Pulled him closer with a firm hand on his back.   
The thin material of his pyjama pants didn’t leave much for imagination and the older of the two clenched his jaw when he felt every outline of the others body against his own.   
He gulped hard, felt how his breath hitched in his throat but Wooyoung was fast asleep again, his steady breathing, the small puffs of air against the nape of San’s neck left him aching, needy as he laid on his back.   
Feeling himself growing harder with every passing moment of agonising fantasies that played like a movie on the lens of his eye. 


	17. Chapter 17

_23:04_

“I’m so lucky to have you”  
Wooyoung spoke before he could stop himself.  
Stopping the other’s movements just before he stuffed his mouth full of food again.  
He cleared his throat, and San met his eyes where he sat opposite of him.  
A small table of room service food between them.  
They’re in a hotel room, exhausted but happy from meeting their fans all day.  
Sharing a room for the night, both their hearts singing as soon as they got the key cards with matching numbers.  
“Sorry”  
Wooyoung said, quietly, embarrassed from speaking his mind so nonchalantly.  
San wet his lips, swallowed as if he wanted to collect his thoughts before he placed the chopsticks next to his plate.  
“I’m lucky to have you too”  
He said and felt how his cheeks flushed red from the confession.  
“You’re my best friend, Youngie-ah. I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world”  
San reached for the glass of soda in front of him.  
Gave him that beautiful smile that reached his eyes and Wooyoung felt his heart pick up in pace.  
He wanted to say something.  
Wanted to admit that maybe being friends wasn’t enough anymore.  
That there’s a part of him that craved more than warm, tight hugs.  
Needed more of the way that San always nuzzled his nose into his hair when he thought that the younger wouldn’t notice.  
Wanted to do more than just cuddle each other when the night was quiet, and darkness consumed their bodies.  
A part of him that he had to push down every breathing moment.  
A part of him that lusts for the other, for his body, his mind, the way he talked and laughed and made Wooyoung feel like he’s the only one that mattered.  
A part of him that knew that he needed San so much that it was suffocating him.  
Because when they were together and the other looked at him like he looked at him right now, Wooyoung’s demons disappeared and he finally found the courage to tell the snarly voice in his mind, the one that keeps telling him that he’ll never be good enough, to shut up.


	18. Chapter 18

_11:18_

Watching Wooyoung through their first world tour quickly turned into a small hobby.  
The way he moved, talked, laughed.  
The way he looked when he slept next to San, on stage, in the early morning when they arrived at another hotel.  
The way San could only imagine he’d look when he was so lost in pleasure that he couldn’t talk... he could never admit just how much he admired him.  
How badly he wanted to be considered an equal in the younger’s eyes.  
It was embarrassing.  
The fact that he could just… lose himself in thought when Wooyoung was around.  
Lose himself as he stole glances when the other practised dancing.  
Letting his imagination run free.  
Fantasising when they’d be alone to just _close the distance between them._  
To hold and take.  
To claim and please until Wooyoung would be the only thing echoing inside the dark sulphur filled blackness of his mind.  
He’d excuse himself when it all became too much.  
Like right now, for instance, when the other warmed up, showing off just how much he could stretch his body, moving and feeling himself to the most shameless playlist San has ever heard.  
Locking himself into the nearest bathroom, already breathless as he closed his trembling hand around his cock.  
Grabbing the sink with the other to stabilise himself as he jerk himself off with fast hard movements.  
Eyes fluttering shut as his head fell back and he’s back in the room a few doors over.  
He imagines himself kissing those plump lips of the others, nibbling on his lower lip as his hands roam a body he knows almost as well as his own by now.  
The way Wooyoung would sound when he’d close his hand around his cock, the way he’d be dripping with pre-cum already.  
San would drop to his knees.  
Would do anything to just get a taste of him, to just get a chance to satisfy.  
His best friend’s name is falling off his lips as he came hard into his hand, face contorting and biting down hard on his lip to prevent a loud gasp from slipping out.


	19. Chapter 19

_19:24_

San’s hair in soft between Wooyoung’s fingers as he combed through it.  
The older sat on the floor underneath the sofa, between Wooyoung’s open legs, watching a rerun of an old series on the hotel room TV.  
It was in English and Wooyoung pursed his lips in thought when he didn’t understand most things they were saying.  
There wasn’t a Korean subtitle alternative either but neither of them really minded much.  
It was late.  
They had just finished dinner, eating in the solitude of their hotel room, like so many other times and chatted about the American tour so far.  
Joked around and played games with each other, like they usually did.  
The black and red of the older’s hair quickly turned more interesting though, when the plot of the series didn’t make any sense.  
Wooyoung wet his lips when San let out a small gasp of satisfaction as he lightly scratched the scalp, combed the hair back from the top of his forehead to the longer strands at the back.  
“Am I doing good?”  
The younger asked, half out of curiosity and half because a dark part of him was getting unbearable turned on, unbelievably fast by the small sharp gasps and groans that continue to slip from San’s lips.  
“Uhu, so good”  
San flat out moans, unable to stop himself when his friends skilled hands pulled his hair back again, harder this time, almost snapping his head back before they move down his neck and shoulders.  
An all too familiar feeling of arousal washed over Wooyoung like a cold shower and he’s already half hard when he stops, just before it gets too much, thankful of the big hoodie he was wearing.


	20. Chapter 20

_07:52_

It was between the America, and Europe tour and they were back in Korea for a few days.   
To get back at their feet and recap what and what not to do the second time around.   
Wooyoung sighed loudly and fell face first into the mattress of his bed.   
He inhaled deeply, appreciate off the smell from their own washing detergent and the familiarity of the walls of their dorm surrounding them.   
Yeosang immediately went to join Seonghwa at the washer, sorting out his clothes just outside the small room at the end of the corridor.   
Wooyoung stayed where he was, though, face down until he heard a small gasp and then the sudden clearing of a throat.   
“Sorry, I…”  
Wooyoung turned his face to the door, meeting San’s eyes, who’s face flushed and quickly looked broke the gaze between them again, rubbing his neck in a motion that only enlighten his awkward expression before he raised his sight again, as if he couldn’t help himself but to watch.  
Wooyoung knew that he was in a compromising position, with his arms at his sides and thrown over the edge of his bed, those skinny jeans of his hugged his form perfectly and would it be anyone else at his door, he’d probably stand up and ask them to leave.   
But San wasn’t anyone and Wooyoung would be lying if he’d say that he didn’t just enjoy, but absolutely revelled in the sweet glance the other gave him.   
It made his mouth go dry and he suppressed the want to arch his back and make the swell of his ass even more prominent.   
San clenched his jaw, gulped and bit his lip, loss for words when Wooyoung didn’t move, didn’t even look away from the burning gaze he gave him and most importantly, actually began (unconsciously of course because he wouldn’t be so wicked that he did it with intent?) swinging his hips back and forth, so slightly that it was barely noticeable.   
But San noticed, and so did the cock in his pants.   
Wooyoung inhaled deeply, his gaze flicked down to the other’s crotch and he quickly felt how his own pants suddenly got much more uncomfortable when a more and more noticeable bulge started to form in his friend’s tight pants.   
“Youngie-ah”  
The older of the two whispered and the pet name made Wooyoung shiver.  
They were interrupted, of course they were, and Hongjoong’s voice echoed through the dorm, collecting all his members to a family meeting before lunch.  
“Sorry”   
Hurried steps, a door slamming shut and the sound of a shower running made Wooyoung sigh and he sank back at the floor, dazed from what had just happened, feeling defeated and so horny he wanted to just crawl under the covers and ignore the whole world for the rest of the day.


	21. Chapter 21

_22:46_

April.  
Berlin.  
A city they’d never dreamed of being able to go to just a year ago, just like all the other cities on the European part of the tour.  
They were in Wooyoung’s hotel room, which he this time, shared with Jongho.  
They were joking around, playing games with each other, giggling.  
Still high from the concert a few hours ago.  
The Vlive was planned since yesterday and San pressed the record button the moment Jongho closed the door to the bathroom.  
Their energy doesn’t waver as the minutes pass, still dancing around each other with comments, compliments, exchanging looks from underneath their fringes in such rapid movements that it seemed like they were flirting.  
San had to look away every now and then, feeling how his heart pumped hard in his chest, and how the sharp inhales he took shook slightly when he smelled a whiff of the hotel shampoo mixed with the scent that was just _Wooyoung_ as he leaned forward over the phone they had to be able to read the comments.  
Wooyoung’s frame against his when the younger hit him with his whole body, jokingly and with a teasing chuckle in his throat as they began playing a word game.  
Wooyoung’s laughter ringing in his ears and making him gulp down the feelings that blossomed in his chest.  
Wooyoung’s touch as he held his hand underneath the camera angle.  
Wooyoung in those gym shorts and that tee.  
The smell of his cologne when he got too close yet not close enough.  
_Wooyoung. _  
_Wooyoung. _  
_Wooyoung._


	22. Chapter 22

_08:09_

They were back in Korea.  
The city had changed.  
Cherry blossoms adorned the trees and the chill that’d been in the air when they left had disappeared.  
Wooyoung took a deep breath when they got out of the cars, his luggage heavy and filled with at least 80% dirty clothes that immediately had to be washed.  
His gaze lingered on San, as it always seemed to do when his thoughts wandered and it’s as the other can feel Wooyoung’s eyes on him because he suddenly looks up, meets his eyes and breaks out in a big smile, the dimples in his cheeks makes the younger of the two choke on his breath slightly as he quickly looks away again.  
Their dorm is just as they left it, the smell of it more prominent now when they haven’t been there for so long.  
Wooyoung took in the safe familiarity of it with long inhales through his nose.  
Of them and their stuff.  
Of home.  
It’s like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he suddenly felt how tired he actually was.  
For a minute Wooyoung doesn’t care about the large bag filled with clothes that had travelled the world with him, he left it in the hallway and threw himself over the backrest of their couch, closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, happy but exhausted.  
A familiar body joins him within seconds, he knows who it is without having to open his eyes and just groans slightly as he props a pillow under his head and lays down more properly on his back to make place.  
The person on top of him mirrors the way he moves, lined their body up with his and he was just about to complain about the sudden shift in weight when he gets tightly embraced.  
A comforting nuzzle underneath his jawline shuts him up completely.  
“You know, it’d be much more comfortable if you’d just separated your legs”  
San’s voice is low and dangerously husky in his ear and Wooyoung had to bite down hard on his tongue to keep himself from shivering with satisfaction as _that tone_ of _that voice_ made him want to walk down a sweet path he shouldn’t walk on when he was in their living room, surrounded by his members and with the source of the voice on top of him.  
He scoffed and still refused to open his eyes.  
He could feel San’s breath on the lower part of his face.  
Knew how close he was.  
Knew that he’d do something stupid, like kiss him, if they’d lock gaze.  
He swallowed hard, sighed and rolled his eyes with an overdramatic flick of his head so that San understood what he was doing even if he couldn’t see his eyes, before he separated his legs and let his best friend sink in between them.  
… It was more comfortable than he expected it to be.  
The weight of San against his body, the way he was pressed against his stomach.  
The way Wooyoung knew, he could nearly sense it, that San watched him, chin rested on his knuckles, hands splayed across Wooyoung’s chest, fingers restlessly drumming.  
It was sweet though, with the intimate radiation they received from each other as they just lay there, just sharing a moment of tired but content joy.  
That was until San shifted slightly as he wanted to get even closer when the steps around them died out and the members went into their separate rooms.  
He jerked his hips forward slightly to edge himself further up.  
It was an innocent action, it really was.  
Meant to only ease the weight Wooyoung already had on him but to the younger, the effect was the opposite as a shiver ran down his back, making him involuntarily arch it, just a little and his breath hitched in his throat.  
He suddenly felt trapped, and more importantly, the sudden new pressure on his crotch didn’t help the arousal that flooded there.  
He choked down a small groan, tried to think about anything else than the amazing feeling of San’s hips against his inner thighs.  
The feeling of him pressing down on him just right in those soft pants he wore.  
“Wooyoungie?”  
San asked with surprise in his voice and wiggled slightly, very carefully, just to make sure that he didn’t mistake what he felt.  
Wooyoung pinched the bridge of his nose in shame, felt how his cheeks redden and gulped hard.  
There wasn’t a point in trying to escape.  
If he did so, San would see what he already felt anyway.  
Instead he just sighed and finally opened his eyes.  
It was his best friend he was talking to; he could at least look him in the eyes when he lied to him.  
San tilted his head, eyes dark and curious and Wooyoung combed his hair back with a frustrated motion, felt how his heart tick hard in his chest.  
How it picked up in speed when San licked his lower lip into his mouth, a nervous reaction but still with that look in his eyes that triggered an immediate flight or fight reaction in Wooyoung’s body.  
He forced himself to stand his ground.  
Knew that the other could probably feel the heartbeats as well.  
“It’s been long… you know. Touring and the stress and everything. I just haven’t taken the time to properly…”  
He drifted off.  
So embarrassed that he wanted to roll out of the sofa and jump out through the large window at his right.  
Telling a white lie was bad enough.  
Telling a white lie to your best friend, who was the reason why you couldn’t speak the truth was ever worse.  
That he hadn’t masturbated at all on tour was the biggest lie.  
He had, with said best friend in mind, in more moments than he could remember.  
Roaming one hand over his chest and closed the other around his cock, wishing, daydreaming to his heart's content, that his hands would be replaced with San’s one day.  
“Yeah… I know that feeling”  
San placed his hands on either side of Wooyoung’s face instead, raised himself up and leaned over the other.  
Tilting his head to the side again, and that long fringe of his shadowed his eyes slightly.  
Wooyoung could’ve sworn that they looked darker than before.  
“How?”  
He forced himself to ask.  
Heard how his voice sounded weak and pathetic and regretted it the second the question slipped out but knew he had to go through with it when a small wrinkle of confusion appeared between San’s brows.  
“I… I mean… I know that it’s tough to get in the mood on your own sometimes, but we had a concert every other day. You could’ve picked any of the girls in the crowd. I bet they’d do anything you’d wished for and more”  
He swallowed hard, praying even harder that San didn’t hear the small break in his voice when he mentioned the fact that he wasn’t the only one racing for his heart.  
The older of the two chuckled, but it was filled with anything else than joy, before he sat up again, broke their gaze, sighed heavily and shook his head.  
Wooyoung’s right leg fell off the sofa when there was a shift in weight to lazily rest on the side instead and he felt exposed, with his legs still separated, San in between them, looking perfect as always and not at all like he hadn’t just arrived home after travelling for the past thirty-six hours.  
“I could’ve. You could’ve as well, you know. Personally…”  
San flicked his head in a quick tilting motion.  
Anxiously.  
Making his hair bounce with the movement and he looked down on his hands, which rested on his folded knees, before he brought them up to cross over his chest.  
To protect himself from the truth he was just about to spill.  
“Personally… I’m less of a girl and more of a guy kind of person”  
He concluded and Wooyoung frowned as a deafening silence fell between them, not realising what San had meant until the older had awkwardly cleared his throat, stood up and left him without another word.


	23. Chapter 23

_20:50_

The beginning of May.  
The beginning of summer.  
But while nature started to wake up, San felt like he was still sleeping.  
He cursed himself.   
Cursed the stupid feelings that bloomed in his chest, competing with the small pink cosmic flowers in the flowerbed outside their dorm.   
He scoffed, pouted and wanted to kick them but Wooyoung was tugging on his hand before the thought was put into action.  
“Sannie-ssi, let’s go”   
He swallowed hard and met his best friends’ eyes.   
The laughter in them.   
The way he combed his long fringe out of his forehead, like he usually did to calm his fidgety hands.   
The way he tugged on San’s hand again, completely obvious with how hard he tugged on San’s heartstrings as well.   
The short ride to the amusement park was spent in comfortable silence.   
Their manager had promised them one hour just after the place had closed down.   
As a carrot for them to work hard with the new comeback, which were right around the corner.  
Wooyoung’s hand found his again as soon as they had exited the cars and he dragged the older along to the first ride.   
San were scared but just as excited when the roller coaster car dropped and he put his hands in the air, the friend he was still holding onto followed and the laughter that bubbled from said friend send San’s mind and heart into a pink endorphin filled frenzy.   
He couldn’t help but laugh back, holding onto Wooyoung even tighter.   
The squeeze of his hand that followed squeezed his heart just as much and he was breathless when they ran to the next ride.   
45 minutes passed quickly, and San’s hand had been empty for two minutes, one minute each as they had a bathroom break and then had to wash their hands from traces of cotton candy.   
“Let’s finish off with that one, San-ah”   
Wooyoung giggled behind his hand and San looked over where the younger was pointing, expecting another crazy roller coaster.   
But it was anything, but a wild ride and he paused for a second, almost stumbled over his step but didn’t say a word as the park worker made sure that the door was properly closed behind them.   
The small box they were in had shaded glasses and San quickly put his hands on his knees rather than the fabric of the red, soft sofa he sat on, guessing that more things had happened in the box than just watching the scenery that slowly but steadily opened up before them as the Ferris wheel started spinning.   
There was music in the background, soft and barely noticeable, with a piano and some strings, probably to set the mood and San wet his lips nervously when he watched his best friend.   
The way his mouth fell open with wonder as they got higher and higher.   
The nervous giggle that fell from his lips when he saw how far up, they were.   
The moment was something special and San leaned back as he watched with a small smile on his lips, the mood between them was as it usually was.   
Pleasant and simple.  
Like a lightweight dream.  
But the silence was suffocating him, and he needed to say something, anything to make sure that his feeling was correct, and nothing had changed over the last few two weeks.   
“Wooyoungie”  
San said finally.   
His friend turned towards him, that bright smile of his faltered slightly when he recognized the seriousness in the tone of the other and he sat back properly against the backrest so that San was straight in front of him.   
Their knees touched in the tight space.   
Their hands longed to reach out to each other.   
“I…”   
“You don’t have to worry. I won’t tell anyone, your secret is safe with me and I still love you just as much as before... in a… totally, very platonic way of course”  
Wooyoung interrupted before San could speak another word and he could only nod, dumbfounded by the way the younger smiled afterwards.   
A bit surprised, but still not really that Wooyoung already knew what was on his mind.  
The way their hands quickly found each other again.   
The way he tried to concentrate on the scenery outside, with Seoul in full bloom below, the sun shining through the glass window at the side of them and how lucky they were to be there, all alone in a closed down amusement park.   
But even though the scenery was nice and how that luck of theirs would shine even brighter on them in the future - Wooyoung was more beautiful than anything San had even seen before and he didn’t just felt luck, he felt thankful as the other squeezed his hand again after changing sofa to sit beside him instead.   
Leaned up against him as they went around in the Ferris wheel.  
The smell of Wooyoung’s cologne as San placed his arms around his body, nuzzling his nose in the younger’s hair.   
Felt how his heart fluttered and throat clog shut when Wooyoung turned his head and he received a look from underneath dark, long eyelashes.  
San was sure that if heaven would be anything like this, he could’ve died happy in that moment to make it last forever. 


	24. Chapter 24

_12:07_

The dorm was quiet for once.   
Wooyoung was on his phone and the silence between his and the room San shared with Yunho competed with the empty loneliness, the need for his friend that already echoed in his heart, bringing chaos to his mind.   
He locked the screen of his phone, closed his eyes for a few seconds and sat up, determined to find something to do.  
Four of the other members were out doing god knows what, which only left Jongho, Mingi, San and himself in the dorm.   
Or well… scratch that.  
Jongho was probably out as well.   
He just had a habit of not saying goodbye before he left.   
Wooyoung stretched his arms over his head, scrunched his eyes shut when his vision blurred slightly and did a little body shake to shake life in his sleepy limbs before he ventured out of his room, walked down the corridor towards the kitchen and rounds the doorpost of the room that he almost spend more time in than his own.   
San looks up from his laptop, pulls out his headphones and gave Wooyoung a soft smile from the top bunker.   
The younger waste no time and immediately climbs the ladder up to join him just as his friend closed down whatever he was doing and set aside the laptop, still with the same comforting smile on his lips.   
Wooyoung is mindful of the height they were on but still tackled the older as soon as he was in bed and the sound of San’s surprised laughter makes the empty chaos in his head disappear like fine dust in the wind.  
They settle down comfortable, San on his back with Wooyoung half on top of him, clutching his arm with a leg thrown over his waist.   
Both hearts were beating in unison, their breath synced up without either of them knowing and they just lay there for a minute or two, with San softly brushing through the younger’s hair and Wooyoung himself nuzzled his nose in the splattered freckles in the nape of San’s neck.   
He swallowed hard, inhaled even harder and felt how the smell of the other fills his body with butterflies.  
His heart clutched and it’s like he moved on his own, like he couldn’t stop the side of him that craved more.  
The press of his lips against those freckles makes him woozy, San’s breath hitched in his throat and Wooyoung does it again, and again, and again.   
There wasn’t a rush to get on with something else.   
Even though Wooyoung wanted nothing else than just straddle his best friends hips now and ride him until he forgot his own name.   
“Youngie-ah”  
San’s voice was raspy, and he choked on the words slightly.   
Like he fought to keep his voice as normal as he could.   
“Stop, please”   
He begged and Wooyoung separated himself from the older quickly, scared to death that he’d passed a line that shouldn’t have been passed.   
Scared that San would tell him off and that he’d ruined their friendship completely.   
He removed his leg from across the others waist, accidently brushed it against a rock-hard cock and it was as if his own brain just shut down completely.   
He felt how the butterflies that had only simmered in his body up to that point, exploded with the power of fireworks and it was as if his arousal punched him in the stomach.   
San turned his head towards him, faces just centimetres apart and Wooyoung inhaled sharply from the black wildfire that burned in his eyes.   
He knew that his friend could feel him, they were still very much pressing up against each other and he gulped when San’s hand brushed against his inner thigh.   
The latter’s breath hitched again as he felt the hot throbbing bulge there.  
“Sorry”   
Wooyoung whispered, shameful that he’d put San in an embarrassing situation, that he’d felt the effect he had on Wooyoung himself.   
“I’m scared that I’ll do something I regret if you don’t leave”  
San whispered back, his fingers ghosting over the hair in the back of the others head again and Wooyoung shuddered, involuntary arched his back to the addicting warmth that spread through him.  
San tensed his jaw from the feeling of his friend’s hard cock pressing on his thigh, contained the need to move his other hand a decimetre to the right and palm the younger through the sweat’s he was wearing.   
“Do what?”   
Wooyoung breathed against his face and San closed his eyes, gulped and shook his head, his hand travel over the others stomach before he placed it between them instead, softly pushed on Wooyoung’s chest.  
“Please, just go”  
The younger sighed and his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach, but he didn’t argue.   
Didn’t want to make the whole situation worse than it already was and sat up, jumped down the bed and gave San one final glance before he walked out the room.


	25. Chapter 25

_00:05_

Kcon, Japan.  
Midnight and they were finally back at the hotel.   
San splashed his face with cold water and gasped slightly from the tingling shock of it.   
He’d just taken a hot shower, completely lost himself in the pleasure of feeling the sweat, the anxious feelings and stress from the show wash off him.   
Thought back on everything that had gone wrong but also everything that had gone right. Smiled to himself.   
Thought back on how good he knew he looked, and involuntarily, thought back on how good Wooyoung had looked as well.   
The black of his hair against the black of his suit.   
How the red on their accessories mixed in perfectly with the look.   
The green splotches in the lenses that hid the natural brown in his eyes.   
The warmth in the way he’d smiled when San complimented his performance after the show.   
The safe familiarity of his body against his when San placed an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer.   
He sighed, moved his hands over his body and turned his face up against the shower head.   
Remembered how Wooyoung had looked when they started to undress, with his face flushed and red dress shirt unbuttoned, still tucked into his black slacks.  
The water dribbled on San’s body, through the dark hairs that covered it.   
Fingertips brushed against the muscles on his stomach, against hard nipples.   
He felt a sudden shudder of pure enticement and lust running down his spine.   
Gasped out as he realized what he was doing, turned off the shower immediately and exited the shower before he’d become too lost in himself.   
Violently shook his head to remove the thought of his best friend.   
Tried to forget the look in his eyes when they met after removing the first layer of clothes, both gulping at the same time and quickly looked away when they noticed the other staring.   
Splashed his face again.   
Removed the last traces of make-up.   
Dried himself up, did his evening routine before he put out the lights in the bathroom, softly humming to himself.   
He walked out, mindful of the glass window that still wasn’t covered by a curtain.   
Rounded the corner to the rest of the room and then almost had a heart attack, stumbled slightly and mentally thanked himself for still wearing the towel when he saw that his bed was already occupied.   
He took a deep breath, tried to calm his racing heart and asked with a slightly scolding voice, amusement hidden between the layers of the words.   
“How did you get here?”   
Wooyoung glanced up from his phone, his chin hidden in the hoodie he was wearing.   
The tips of his hair still wet from a shower he must have taken recently.  
He’d thankfully taken off his shoes, feet bare against the white covers on the bed.  
Mouth falling open slightly as he stared at the drops still running down his friends naked upper body.  
San stood just as frozen when he noticed the others stare, still holding the towel in a death grip, his phone in his other hand and it was as if time stopped around them in a good 20 seconds before the older of the two spoke up again, cleared his throat rather awkwardly.   
Wooyoung’s face was covered in a precious pink and he was sure that the other was just as surprised but frustratedly turned on as he was.  
“Wooyoungie, why are you here?”  
San rephrased the question and the other seemed to break out of the trance he was in, looked up from his body to meet San’s eyes and opened his mouth to answer.  
“I uh… I switched with Mingi”   
He answered and gulped before he teared his eyes of San completely.   
Mouth dry and body squirming.   
San considered dropping the towel completely there and then, bit back a small smirk when he thought about the reaction he’d earn, but still decided against it.   
Even though there clearly was a mutual attraction between them, he didn’t know if it was because Wooyoung enjoyed the other’s company simply because it was San himself or if San was simply the only one that didn’t protest when the younger craved so much attention it was almost unbearable for the other members.  
Clinging to them, poking their cheeks and annoyed them until they literally shrugged him off their bodies.   
He didn’t know if he was just the easiest one for Wooyoung to ease his daily burdens on.   
“Why?”  
San asked and took a few steps closer.   
Wooyoung recoiled on himself, just a little, like the sight of his friends naked body coming closer alarmed him and the older stopped and tilted his head, a bit perplexed of the random behaviour.   
Confused and a bit hurt and his friend wet his lips, combed his fingers through his newly washed hair.   
“Just put on some clothes please?”   
Wooyoung begged and met San’s eyes from underneath his lashes, chewed on the inside of his cheek when his friend placed his phone on the desk beside him, took another step forward and Wooyoung shook his head.  
“What are you afraid of Youngie-ah? It’s just me, who I’ve always been”  
He took another step, standing just next to his best friend, who looked up at him like he was completely terrified, but the look in his eyes and the small twitching in his fingertips betrayed him.   
A look that San recognized all too well.   
The one that he always picked out from the back of his mind when the days were too long and he was too bored to do anything but jerk off to the thought of his best friend going down on him like he never wanted anything else but San’s cock in his mouth and two fingers tickling the bundle of nerves deep, deep inside of him.  
Fuck.   
He sat down at the edge of the bed when Wooyoung didn’t answer, reached for his hand and even though his mind basically screamed at him to put that hand on the growing hard on between his thighs and not anywhere else, he placed it over his heart instead.  
Wooyoung looked away, suddenly shyer than scared and his hand jolted in San’s when he felt the warm, smooth skin of the other.   
“Look at me, please?”  
San asked and Wooyoung swallowed, gave him a pained expression and reluctantly met his eyes again.  
He wanted the younger to explain.   
Explain why they were both feeling like this.   
Why San’s mind was screaming ‘no, no, no! You’re my best friend, If I push my feelings on you, I’m going to ruin everything’ and his heart was shouting back ‘yes, yes, yes! I love you so much it physically hurt me and I want nothing else than for you to just tell me that you feel the same way so that I can finally, finally have you, all of you, to myself’   
Wooyoung didn’t explain.   
But he didn’t remove his hand either, a small blush covered his cheeks as he felt San’s hurried heartbeats underneath his ribcage. 


	26. Chapter 26

_03:17_

Wooyoung was laying restless in his bed again.   
Just like he’d done for the past nights.   
Tossed and turned with no avail.   
Begged sleep to overcome him so he could put his utmost into the promotion that was going to start in two days.   
He sat up, rubbed his face with tired hands, threw his legs over the edge of the top bunker bed and paused for a second to make sure that Yeosang didn’t wake up when his feet hit the floor in a soft thump.   
Months upon months of midnight training had made him stealthy and he walked with quick steps towards the sofa in the living room, avoided the floor planks he knew would creek, hoped that the white light and buzz from the tv would make him sleepy.   
He paused.   
Was the tv already on?  
“Hi”  
San said as soon as Wooyoung rounded the corner when the corridor became the living room. The upper part of his body was naked, thanks to the humid hot weather outside and Wooyoung was immediately thrown back to the hotel room in Japan a few days earlier.   
The feeling of San’s skin underneath his fingertips was still stuck in his memory like a sweet sugary syrup.   
Coated his judgement and made him dizzy.   
That look San had in his eyes back then.  
“Wooyoungie? Did I scare you?”   
The older asked, slightly worried, hesitant and a bit self-conscious as he pulled a soft blanket over his head to cover himself, with only his face poking out.   
Wooyoung shook his head, hid all his feelings in a locked box at the back of his mind, closed the distance between them with a few quick steps and it was almost as if things were back to how it’d always been when San placed his arm around Wooyoung’s shoulders, pulled him closer with a bright smile.   
The cute dimples and scrunching nose made the younger’s heart flip and he smiled back, purely as a reflex before he settled underneath the crook of the others neck and focus on the American 80s cowboy movie that San had found on a channel Wooyoung didn’t even know they had.  
It was almost as if things were back to how it’d always been, except it was nothing like that at all and though both of them were trying to relax, trying to enjoy each other's presence - the fear of a misplaced hand, and the fact that they were so close that they could smell each other’s cologne, the underlying smell that were just them - were excruciatingly painful.   
The feeling of San’s naked chest against his own was everything Wooyoung wanted to the end of time and everything he had ever feared. 


	27. Chapter 27

_16:22_

They received their album the same day it was released, and Hongjoong thanked their manager profusely when he reached out to give it to them.   
They were in the studio after being called there to listen through their new songs for the first time and see how it visually had turned out before it was released, and the staff had been kind enough to prepare dinner for them while they were there.  
The managers presence had interrupted that first hot meal of the day, but they all stood up without a question and bowed deeply to show off their gratitude.   
He left shortly after and all their fingers fiddled nervously when their leader unwrapped the plastic protection.  
Browsed the photo catalogue in awe.   
Playfully hitting each other with teasing punches and laughing loudly at the photos that were in it.   
Placed all the postcards on the table in front of them, the group photo and the individual photocard.  
San took the very chance he got and snatched it as soon as he saw who it was.   
No questions were asked.  
They all could see who was on the photo.  
Wooyoung blushed slightly and looked up to meet San’s from underneath his fringe.  
Swallowed hard when San shyly smiled back while he placed the photocard of his best friend in his wallet.


	28. Chapter 28

_15:36_

They were doing a vlive again.   
Joked around while eating their food.   
Unconsciously mirrored each other, laughed between bites of food and proved to the whole fanbase that they truly were soulmates with 3,2,1 questions.   
Wooyoung watched his best friend from underneath his lashes.   
Tried not to stare too much but San had made it difficult for him.   
Looking like an angel sent from heaven to make Wooyoung forget about any problems that has ever troubled his mind with the light red make-up that shadowed his eyes.   
Wooyoung couldn’t help but to reach out, at times when he knew he doesn't have to.   
Just to feel the others skin under his touch  
Found it to be harder and harder to breathe properly when San leaned over his shoulder to read the comments on the phone that rested on the table among the food.   
They were not alone.   
A video director was sitting across of them to make sure that the video recorded properly and even though Wooyoung himself considered himself a gentle person, someone who never demanded a thing and was at most times hellbent on making sure that everyone felt seen and included and loved, staff and members alike - but now he wanted nothing else but for that said director to just get the fuck out and leave them alone.   
The older placed his hand on his back when he leaned over him again and the feeling of San’s breath on his neck made him shudder lightly.   
San, who pouted when he talked, hummed with satisfaction and slurped on his food when he ate and Wooyoung wanted the earth to swallow him right then and there for all the things it made him feel.   
His heart flipped again when the other borrowed his glasses, looking at least twice as good as Wooyoung would ever look in glasses himself and he swallowed hard while complimenting his friend.   
Feeling how he was sweating in the hoodie he wore from the smirk he received back.  
They talked, joked around a bit more, finished what they were eating and soon enough gave place to their hyung, who came to have a conversation with Atiny as well.   
Wooyoung placed his hand around his friend when they packed up their stuff.  
Felt how the muscles on San’s stomach tensed up slightly from the sudden touch and swallowed as the older followed in his footsteps as they walk out the door.   
Immediately grabbed his hand when they were alone again.   
Like he had been starving for the younger’s touch the whole 30 minutes they did the vlive.   
Wooyoung looked over at his friend, felt how his face flushed when San pulled him closer in a half hug, not caring about the staff around them.   
Not caring about the curious looks they received.   
Not caring about the nagging feeling in their hearts.   
The feeling that told them both that they shouldn’t be this close if they were just friends.   
That it seemed like it was more than just fanservice or skinship or anything in between.   
The fact that it could be something more and that Wooyoung felt, when he quickly lock gaze with San as they stumbled to the car that would take them back to their dorm, that maybe… just maybe… San felt so as well - was terrifying and so indescribably amazing that he felt like he was walking on clouds.


	29. Chapter 29

_10:45_

It was minutes before their comeback.   
San felt how his heart was ticking hard in his chest, reached out to put his hands on his best friend’s shoulders, just to stabilise himself.   
Pulled his fingers through said friend's hair.   
Felt how Wooyoung took a sharp breath and he could almost swear that he swallowed hard from the feeling as well.   
Minutes passed, he leaned forward to read the comments fans left for them.   
Inhaled deeply and wanted to nuzzle his nose into Wooyoung’s hair but decided against it. Knew that it would look inappropriate on camera.  
Reached out to massage the youngers shoulders instead, fingers played with the hair in the back of his neck.   
Like he could relieve some of his own anxiousness, from inflicting the calming pleasure on Wooyoung and it helped him ease the fidgety feeling he already had in his fingertips too.   
Wooyoung cursed at him softly when the vlive was over and they said goodbye to Atiny, urging them on to listen to the mini album before they ended the broadcast.  
“Why did you keep touching me like that, all the time? We were supposed to be professional”  
Wooyoung blushed, pulled San aside just outside the room they recorded in and the other members just spared them a glance before they kept walking to go get some lunch, knowing that the duo would catch up with them whenever they were finished.  
“What do you mean?”   
San asked and felt the tips of his ears flush.   
Wooyoung paused for a few seconds.   
Looked like he tried to put his thoughts in order to describe whatever he was thinking, and San swallowed hard, not understanding what he’d done wrong.  
“I was just… nervous… you ground me. You know that”  
San tried to explain when the younger doesn’t say anything.   
His friend looked away, crossed his arms over his chest and puffed it out slightly, pouted and San wanted nothing else than to just embrace him and apologize.   
“I… I know…”   
Wooyoung answered finally and San reached out even though his mind was telling him that he probably shouldn’t.   
He placed his hand on his friend's arm, tugged on it slightly to make them fall against Wooyoung’s side again before he took a step forward and hugged the younger tight.   
Flushed his body against him with both arms around his midriff.   
Wooyoung sighed, first it’s more like a sharp annoyed exhale through his nose and San sweep the area swiftly with his sight, noticed that they were completely alone and then nuzzled his nose underneath his friends jaw, pressed a light peck just underneath his ear and Wooyoung melted to putty in his arms.   
He sighed again, more content this time and San stifles a small heartfelt chuckle under his breath.


	30. Chapter 30

_22:07_

Towards the end of June and the water from the showerhead was cold on Wooyoung’s skin.  
He shuddered, fringe over his eyes as he watched how the water pooled at his feet before it disappeared down the drain.  
He thought back on every minute of the past three hours.  
Went through them over and over in his head.  
Felt how tears formed in the corners of his eyes.  
They were supposed to be training, not the dancing he preferred to do, but actually working out, with actual weights and stuff and though it was boring at first (it always was) joking around with his members was somewhat of a hobby of his.  
He knew that he should take it seriously, exercising was important.  
Mainly, of course, so that they could stay in good shape.  
But also, to build up the muscles needed for their choreography.  
Which was just so… unbelievable… boring.  
Wooyoung was someone who needed space to move, to dance and dance and dance until he couldn't stand upright anymore.  
Not sit down and work on a machine that pushed certain muscles to the breaking point.  
He’d complained, the trainer had rolled his eyes and explained for the hundredth time all those things that Wooyoung already knew.  
Complained about the trainer to San who then snorted out a laugh in a way that was anything but subtle.  
His best friend was not short on jumping on the train of shenanigans.  
They joked around, danced to the music in the background when the trainer had an important speech about how to build muscles in the most effective way.  
Made funny noises when the other members worked out and bumped into each other as they joked around, never missed a beat as they seemingly danced around each other, unconsciously playing a game of cat and mouse.  
Their trainer kicked them out, referred them to go to the dance studio to work on their choreo if they couldn’t stand still and they got a scolding look from their leader just before the door slammed shut.  
They stumbled to the room a few doors down, still roaring with laughter and San hopped down in one of the chairs at the back, the wheels of it made him roll a good three meters until he hit the wall with a small thump.  
Wooyoung chuckled to himself and put on some music, an American song was the first on the playlist and San shouted an “Eey” while he threw his hands in the air and dropped to the floor instead to make place after he pushed the chair to the other side of the room.  
The younger of the two closed his eyes, let the beat come to him instead of chasing after it, allowed it fill his body completely before he let it explode inside of him, making him move his arms and legs as the rush of being in his element overcame him.  
San shouted again, hyped him up and the applause that followed made Wooyoung dance faster, the room was spinning around him, but he was not lost - he was exactly where he was meant to be, as he kept the pace until the song ended.  
His breathing laboured and he combed back some hair that fell into his eyes before he opened them again.  
The older of the two was a meter from him, scooted down in a half sitting position at the same place, legs parted, so close that he almost touched Wooyoung.  
Eyes enticingly dark and tongue between his teeth when his mouth fell open at the way his friend looked back at him.  
His chest moved up and down in a pace that almost matched Wooyoung’s.  
Wooyoung wanted to say something.  
Wanted to defend the way his blood seemed to boil ever harder now than when he was dancing but it was as if all the blood had left his brain to stream down to his cock as San clenched his jaw, looked away, sighed and then motioned for the younger to get closer with a flick of his wrist, and Wooyoung obliged, because why wouldn’t he?  
It was as if electricity surged through them when their hands found each other, like so many times before.  
He dropped to his knees before San, moved as if on autopilot, straddled his hips like he’d done it a hundred times before.  
Except he hadn’t and the certain way that San looked up at him from underneath long lashes,  
The way his thighs clenched slightly when the younger scooted closer,  
The way his hands quickly settled on Wooyoung’s hips, pushing him down slightly on his crotch and the way his cheeks flushed... those soft pink lips parted - all of it made scared him out of his mind.  
But he couldn’t move away, didn’t _want_ to move away as San brought his hand up to comb Wooyoung’s hair back out of his forehead again, the sweat in the roots of his baby hair made it stay like that and he gulped, hard.  
Felt how his friends cock grew harder under the swell of his ass in the jeans he wore.  
A gasp escaped his lips at the feeling, and it was as if the sound was painful to San because a small wrinkle appeared between his brows as his eyes became more and more hooded.  
San’s hand cupped Wooyoung’s face now and he was seconds from pressing his lips against the other when voices outside interrupted them, broke the magic and Wooyoung immediately jumped up after he realised how close he’d been to actually kiss his best friend.  
Fear overcame him again and he quickly straightened his clothes, gave San an apologizing look and turned on his heel before he rushed out the studio.  
Didn’t look behind him as he jogged all the way back to the dorm, the warm summer evening sun was just a thin line on the horizon as he unlocked the door to their dorm with shaking hands, slammed it shut behind him, shed his clothes as soon as he entered the bathroom and gasped loudly when the first drops of water hit his back like a whip.  
He looked down on his cock.  
Released what he’d been fighting for months upon months, to not cross that physical line that would change them, had happened anyway.  
The remembrance combined with Wooyoung’s vivid fantasy of what would most likely have happened if they wouldn’t have been interrupted made him squirm.  
He turned up the heat, when he realized that the cold water didn’t do anything to keep the memories from playing back in his head like a broken record on repeat.  
The feeling of San’s body underneath him.  
The way his muscles clenched from the feeling of Wooyoung’s on top of him.  
The way his cock had felt when it nudged against the younger’s ass.  
The fact that he’d been seconds away from kissing those perfectly curled lips that he’d dreamed of for so long.  
He felt the tears that had formed in his eyes fall down his cheeks.  
From disappointment.  
From guilt.  
From being so unbelievably disgusted with himself that he just wanted to hide from the whole world to the end of time.  
He shuddered as he reluctantly closed his hand around his cock, already leaking from pre-cum and dropped to his knees, face towards the ceiling as his other hand ghosted over his chest.  
One hand pumping himself as the other continued to travel, over his hip, his ass and he quickly spit in his hand as he choked on a breath when he imagined that the fingers that stroked his hole was San’s.  
His heart raced in his chest so hard he could hear the beats of it in his ears.  
He forced himself to relax, before he pushed one finger in, cried out softly as the feeling of being filled up made him shudder again.  
His breathing were strained, short breathy gasps escaped his throat and it didn’t take long until he fell backwards into the warm dark abyss that embraced him.  
Ribbons of hot white cum painted his chest and he moaned loudly, thankful that he was the only one at the dorm at the moment.


	31. Chapter 31

_22:33_

San cursed himself.   
Tears streamed down his face as he quickly followed in the steps of his best friend.   
A friend he had betrayed by acting upon his own insatiable lust.   
The shower was running when he entered the dorm and he paused just outside the door to the bathroom, trying to stabilise his hard breathing.   
He raised his hand and was just about to knock when a sudden noise made him waver.   
A… gasp?   
He swallowed and felt how the arousal he’d been pushing down for the last ten minutes came rushing back with the power of a collision.   
He stabilised himself with one hand on the doorpost, careful not to put any weight on the door itself and blow his cover as he leaned closer.   
Wooyoung was actually moaning.   
It was subtle but still clear as day and San cringed before submitting to his own need almost embarrassingly fast.   
Plunged his hand down his pants and underwear, eyes fluttered shut as he closed his hand around his cock.   
He imagined how Wooyoung would look, if he was in there with him.   
The way the water would run over his body, tracing over his nipples, over hard lean muscles and soft dark hair.   
How amazing he’d look with his cock in his hand, putting on a show for San, meeting his eyes behind wet eyelashes.   
Mouth open as the short whiny gasps he was hearing escaped his throat.  
How his own fingers would already pump in and out of him.   
San would even taste his lips, if his friend would allow him.   
Would treat him right in every way possible.   
Wooyoung would lead his hands, because San didn’t want to just take and claim the others lust.   
He’d love it if he could fuck him though.  
Real life San choked on his breath as imaginary him trapped Wooyoung against the wall, chest against chest, rose one leg over his hip and carefully, so carefully enter him, bottom out completely before letting his friend get used to the size.   
In the room behind the door, real life Wooyoung moaned loudly, and the out of breath gasping that followed directly afterwards sounded exactly like he used to sound after they’d been practising a particularly tough choreography.   
San came in his underwear so hard, his knees threatened to buckle underneath him.   
He cursed his life harder than he had ever done before.


	32. Chapter 32

_09:43_

Something changed between them after that.  
They still touched like they always do.  
Still sought the comfort with one another like always.  
Still touched and hugged and cuddled and placed small kisses on each other’s knuckles, under the ears and against collarbones when the feelings they have for each other was suffocating them.  
Still laughed and joked and played games.  
_But something was still different_.  
Something that broke Wooyoung’s heart in two as the days progressed.  
He watched as his friend danced and felt how his body itched to join him.  
Watched as he sang and felt how the sound was tugging on his heartstrings.  
Watched when San was occupied and doesn’t notice him staring.  
They were on tour from city to city again.  
Doing fan signs every other day.  
Participating in promotions, stage performances and radio.  
Travelled back to the US to open Kcon in New York and soon enough three weeks had passed since that time in the dancing studio and it was San’s birthday.  
Wooyoung woke up extra early, determined to not let the weird feeling between the two distract him from making the day a memorable experience.  
He placed out the ingredients on the counter, found the message on the recipe for seaweed soup he received from his mother the day before and got to working just as he hears how Seonghwa started to wake up in the room at the far back.  
“Good morning”  
He said, just as his hyung entered the kitchen with sleep drunken eyes, stumbled on his steps slightly as he inhaled the familiar scent with a thoughtful expression on his face.  
“For Sannie-ah?”  
Seonghwa asked and started making breakfast for himself and the other members.  
Wooyoung only nodded, mind focused hard on the recipe to make sure that he doesn’t miss a step.  
Yeosang joined them just a few minutes later, and then Mingi and Jongho.  
The soup was done the minute San stumbled out of his room, accompanied by Yunho and Wooyoung’s heart was ticking like a small bomb in his chest.   
It felt like he’d run a marathon when San looked into the pot with curious eyes before they meet his best friend and the younger swallowed hard.  
“Happy birthday”  
He said with a voice that only shook a little.  
The bright smile, the one with the dimples, scrunching nose and a wrinkle between his brows, made Wooyoung’s heart skip and San placed his arms around him in a heartbeat.  
Happiness was overflooding the others body and before he could stop himself, his lips were pressed against Wooyoung's cheek.  
It was just a light peck, done in the trance of excitement but Wooyoung couldn’t help but sigh softly of satisfaction.  
San, on the other hand, looked absolutely terrified at what he’d done, but his friend just shook his head and held him again, nuzzled his nose into the nape of the other’s neck.


	33. Chapter 33

_20:21_

  
“Youngie?”  
The whole day has passed and now they lay together in Wooyoung’s bed, watching a Netflix movie on San’s phone.   
Preferred the privacy to just be able to hold each other close without the other members in close proximity and if a small screen was what they had to sacrifice, then so be it.   
Wooyoung hummed lightly to show that he listened, and San took a deep breath, went over in his head how he could phrase what he was about to say in the smoothest way possible.   
Locked his phone to make Wooyoung look at him.  
“I know I said that I didn’t want any presents but…”   
He trailed off and met the youngers eyes from his position, with his head resting on his right arm and their faces barely two decimetres apart.  
Swallowed hard when Wooyoung looked at him with a distraught face when he mentioned a present.  
“I just have a favour. You don’t have to because, like I said. I don’t want any presents. I just thought since I literally have no one else to ask and you’re the one I’m closest to in the group so I feel most comfortable with you but like I said you really, really don't have to because it might change our friendship and that is the reason why I haven’t asked you earlier but now it’s my birthday an-”  
“Just say it”   
Wooyoung interrupted, a small smile tugged on his lips from the others rambling and San swallowed hard again, felt his heart thump hard in his chest.   
“Can you… I want you to…”  
He cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a second to collect some courage.  
“I… I’d like you to be my first kiss”  
He cringed at his own words as he stumbled over them.   
Heard how Wooyoung gasped slightly and his heart clenched at the sound as he opened his eyes again, met the younger’s eyes before he quickly looked away again.  
Neither of them moved a muscle for a few seconds and the more time that passed, the more anxious San became, the small ball of nervousness grew from a needle head to an overfilled balloon that threatened to explode in his stomach and finally he couldn’t take it anymore and just shook his head before he pulled up his phone and unlocked it with a sigh.   
“Sorry, I… forget what I said”  
He apologized and was just about to hit play again when Wooyoung placed his hand over San’s and lowered the phone again.  
They lock gaze.   
The younger’s eyes were like two brown tarns in the middle of an untouched forest.   
So dark that San wanted to drown in them.  
“I… I’d like that. You’d be my first as well”   
He finally answered and San’s heart flipped like a small bird trapped in a cage.   
He turned his body towards his friend, placed his left arm around him so that his back covered what was about to happen to any unexpected viewers at the door.   
Fingers combed through Wooyoung’s black hair in the back of his head and they edged closer until their nose’s touches.  
Two eyes each blended into one because their sight couldn’t focus on such close proximity.   
They breathe the same air for a few seconds and San could feel how hard his friend’s heart is beating in his chest as they lie pressed from top to bottom.   
Wooyoung is the one that found the courage to close the last millimetres and their breath hitched when their lips finally, _finally_ meet.   
A small gasp escaped the younger’s lips as the thing he’d been dreaming about finally happened and the sound of it makes his friend go into overdrive.  
The soft fingers that played with Wooyoung’s hair grabbed a hold of it instead, yanked on it softly, earning another gasp and San used it to his advantage to deepen the kiss.  
Cried out slightly from feeling the curve of his friend’s cupid bow against his own, the plumpness of his lips sloppily mirroring his movements.  
Spreading a wildfire that burned through every nerve in San’s body and he felt like his blood was boiling.  
His tongue sneaked out as he pressed closer to the other.  
Wooyoung tasted like chocolate frosting from the birthday cake they had earlier, and San was walking on clouds.  
Completely and utterly breathless and shuddering as he arched his body slightly to press a weak, uncertain thrust against the other, desperately craving more, more, _more._  
Wooyoung choked on his breath, endorphins swarmed his head and made him dizzy on the high he received.   
San was warm in his arms as he presses a hand on his back, felt the trapezius muscle clench under the feeling of Wooyoung’s touch.  
He desperately wanted to throw his leg over the other’s hip.   
Wanted to press down on the half hard cock he felt was growing there but stopped himself before he did so.   
Knew that there was a time and place for everything and right now, with the members only a few meters away, his bedroom door open and without any rational thought whatsoever, any other time would be better.   
He was the one that parted them, and San whined and pouted when he did so, unhappy that the younger pulled away.   
He swallowed, looked at the other with hooden, drunk eyes and even though all he wanted was to taste those lips again, a rational part of his brain knows that Wooyoung is right to have stopped.  
Knew that there will be another time for them to give each other their all.   
San sighed, brushed his hands down his friends back and looked at Wooyoung like he hung his moon and all his stars, and the other looked back at him, a small smile on his lips as he tried to catch his breath.   
Softly combed back the older’s hair from his forehead with a gentle hand and San closed his eyes.   
Placed this memory in a box in the furthest part of his mind, knowing that this was the best birthday he has ever had.


	34. Chapter 34

_17:18_

“I love the way your hand fits in mine”   
San whispered and Wooyoung blushed as he looked down at their intertwined fingers.   
Felt how his heart fluttered hard in his chest and tried to stifle a big smile so he doesn’t feed the others ego too much.   
They’re in a hotel name both has forgotten the name off.   
Separated at first by the management but Wooyoung had begged Mingi to switch rooms with him as soon as they had received the keys.  
The look he’d given the two spoke of both disbelief and happiness.   
They laid in bed at the moment, cuddling, while watching a new drama on the tv.   
Bellies full of the late dinner.   
Hearts full of being so close to each other.   
Heads full of pink balls of soft cotton.   
Up in the clouds with the feelings they had for each other but neither wanted to say out loud, because they were scared that the other would reject them.   
Scared that they’d lose the friendship they had if they crossed that line.   
“Sannie-ah”   
He said, brushed his thumb over his friends knuckles and San hummed a little to show that he listened, while still watching the tv.  
“I…”   
He trailed off, knew what he wanted to say but still had to find the courage before he did so.   
“I don’t ever want you to leave me”  
They locked gaze.   
San’s brows were furrowed with confusion from the sudden statement and he shook his head.  
“I won’t”   
He promised and Wooyoung wet his lips before he cleared his throat.  
“Even if Ateez disbands tomorrow… will you stay with me?”   
The younger knew that it was a big question.   
Would understand it if San would say no.  
Except he doesn't.   
He just chuckled, squeezed Wooyoung’s hands before he planted a sweet kiss on the back of his hand.  
“My future has you in it, that’s the only thing I know for sure about anything at all. Everything that will follow is just a bonus”  
He gave his friend another smile and Wooyoung’s stomach did somersaults of happiness.   
He sighed, content and squeezed San’s hand when the latter places the next kiss on the crown of his head.


	35. Chapter 35

_09:02_

San’s body was on fire.   
Burned with every kiss Wooyoung placed on it.   
From his neck, down his shoulders, his collarbones, his naked chest, the clenched-up muscles on his stomach.   
He gasped out slightly when the youngers fingertips ghosted his sides, the touch tickled him slightly.   
“Sorry”  
Wooyoung whispered softly and San choked on his breath.  
“Don’t be”  
He pulled his friend up again just as Wooyoung placed the last kiss above the lining of his underwear.   
There was an insatiable hunger in him that couldn’t be satisfied, and his breath hitched once again as he pressed their lips together.   
The now familiar feeling of the other’s cupid bow over his own, the unbelievable softness of them - almost made San whimper, even though he’d been kissing those lips for almost a month now.  
It was addicting.  
The small noises his best friend did when San placed the next kiss underneath his jaw, trailing his lips over his neck and swallowed hard when the other’s cologne clouded his senses.  
The way Wooyoung pressed his naked chest against San.  
The way his breath hitched when San trailed his hands over his body.   
They’d been doing this for a while now, a few weeks.  
Just kissing.  
Indulging in the feeling of skin against skin.  
Mapping out every freckle on the others body.  
Every scar.  
Didn’t want to rush things, but rather just took it slow.   
In their own pace.  
Knew that there would be a time when they both felt like they had the time to properly treat each other right.  
The other members knew.  
But neither of them minded or seemed bothered at all when San randomly embraced Wooyoung and placed a small peck on his lips just before breakfast in their dorm a week ago.  
It all seemed like a dream, and San never wanted to wake up.


	36. Chapter 36

_10:04_

Weeks passed.  
So did the summer.   
It was still quite hot outside, enough to dress in jeans and a tee but it seemed like autumn was taking its first wobbly steps when the first few leaves started to fade in colour.   
They worked on their comeback, took one step at a time, just like the scenery outside.  
Had two weeks free from any sort of travelling at the beginning of September to just focus on the album, the music and choreo and used that time to perfect what they’d created.  
It was a challenge.   
This was their first full album and needless to say - the expectations were high.   
Wooyoung sighed and slumped over in the studio couch with a sullen pout on his lips.   
Put on his headphones, replayed his part of the song again and closed his eyes for a few seconds to listen without getting distracted by the gorgeous figure sitting on the couch next to him.   
He became more annoyed, something just didn’t sound right, replayed the same part again and let his gaze linger on his best friend instead.  
They had switched hair colours for the new concept, completely unintentional and the dark hair that now covered San’s forehead made him look more amazing than Wooyoung had ever seen him before.   
The long hair in the back of his neck was even more prominent now, and with that dash of blue the hairdressers added…   
“Do I have something on my face”  
San interrupted his thoughts and brushed over his lips and cheeks to make sure that it was crumble free of the small lunch they had earlier.   
“No… I…”  
Wooyoung removed the headphones and shook his head, a bit embarrassed that he was caught red handed.  
“You were staring at me”  
Something provocative shadowed the other’s face as he smirked, one eyebrow raised, and he licked his lower lip into his mouth and gave Wooyoung a look that made the younger’s knees feel weak and his pink blush to get even darker.   
“Wooyoungie”   
San purred softly and rose up from the couch to sit next to his friend instead.  
“No need to be shy”  
He assured and Wooyoung swallowed hard.   
Felt how he wanted to defend himself, but his thoughts were interrupted.  
San’s lips were on his before he even had the time to finish his train of thought and he immediately gasped with surprise to the feeling before he broke the kiss again.   
“What are you doing?”   
He whispered angrily.  
“What?  
San asked back, a wrinkle of confusion between his brows.  
“I only wanted to kiss you”  
He tried to explain, a small smile on his lips.   
Like he thought the other was just joking but Wooyoung just shook his head violently.  
“We can’t. Not here”  
The older of the two recoiled on himself with a surprised expression on his face and Wooyoung could see that he was hurt.   
“Why not? What difference does it make? People will know about us sooner or later, we will tell. Right?”  
San smiled softly but it quickly faltered when Wooyoung looked away, wet his lips nervously and fiddled with the hem of his shirt.  
“Right?  
San pressed on and Wooyoung tilted his head and his mouth fell open to say something, anything, but no words came out.   
San raised his hands in a ‘what the hell’ motion and the soft smile changed into one of disbelief.  
“So what? Your plan was to just ignore me and only let me touch you like we’ve always done; the regular small skin ship we usually do? But I won’t be allowed to kiss you? To hold you like I do when we’re alone? You’re just going to just ignore us forever?”  
“I… I don’t know how to answer that”  
The younger answered quietly and felt how his heart hammered hard in his chest.   
It felt like he was going to get sick in his stomach when San quickly rose up from his place beside him as his expression changed from surprise to sorrow.  
“Have all of this just been a joke to you? Every kiss, every promise? You never wanted us to be real, not officially, did you?”   
San’s voice was awfully calm when he spoke and it hurt so bad it felt like Wooyoung’s heart split into countless tiny pieces, like glass breaking against a stone floor.   
The razor-sharp splinters gutted him, and he swallowed hard, barely allowed himself to take a deep breath in the tense air between them.  
He wanted San to be pissed off, to scream and shout because it would feel better to just get angry than to feel the guilt, he felt in his chest now.  
Everything they’d been doing so far had been amazing, unreal like a dazed pink dream.   
But Wooyoung knew that he had to wake up.   
Knew that even though he had all of these feelings inside of him, none of them could be realized, not in the way they both wanted.  
He swallowed hard, tried to get a hold of some sort of reason, some sort of explanation to make San feel better.  
Hated the way his friend looked at him right now.  
“We… we are real, Sannie. I just… we - we’re idols…”  
San shook his head in disbelief, tears in his eyes as he gave his friend one last glance before he turned on his heel.  
The door slammed shut after him and the demon, that voice, that Wooyoung had forced into a corner for the last few months returned with full power.   
Towered over him with oozing black smoke that entered his bloodstream and poisoned his mind.  
You’re _not_ good enough.   
You’ll _never_ be and now you just forced away _the only_ person who _could ever_ love you.   
_I hate you. _  
_I hate you. _  
_I hate you._


	37. Chapter 37

_14:09_

San was exhausted.   
He’d been crying for hours.  
Buried underneath his many plushies while holding onto Shiber.   
Legs raised up towards his chest as he curled onto himself with his back against the door so that no one could see the horrible state that he was in.  
Pressed his nose into the comforting fur of the plush dog and shook with quiet choked up sobs.   
Yunho had carefully asked him why he was crying.   
If he wanted to talk, ready to close their bedroom door if San wanted the privacy, but he’d just shook his head.   
He heard how Wooyoung came home, the walls shook when he slammed shut the bedroom door at the other end of the dorm and Seonghwa were quick on his steps after him, probably both to scold him for the door slamming and to ask if his fired up emotions were connected to San’s.   
He didn’t want to eat dinner - because he didn’t felt hungry at all.  
Didn’t want to join the other members when they sat down in front of the tv and watched the football game that he’d been looking forward to all week - because Wooyoung wouldn’t be there in his arms, watching it with him.  
Didn’t want the tea that Seonghwa offered him just before bedtime - because it was Wooyoung’s favourite and the smell of it and the thought of him made San's whole body ache.  
Didn’t want to sleep when Yunho, tall as he was, properly tucked him in and squeezed his arm with a small sigh before he placed the blanket over San - because he was lonely, without his best friend to hold.  
Didn’t want to eat breakfast when it was served in the morning - because he felt too sick to eat anything anyway.  
Didn’t want to join them for dance practise just before lunch but was forced anyway, and Hongjoong just placed a steady warm hand on his shoulder before he pushed him out of the room, he’d been camping in for the last 24 hours.   
He couldn’t meet Wooyoung’s eyes.   
He cried in the car as they drove to the company, silent tears wet his clasped hands as he looked out the window.  
Cried as they trained on their choreo, his breath hitching with every laboured sigh.  
Cried as his knees finally gave out from pushing himself too far and not breathing properly in the pauses of dancing.  
Cried when Wooyoung was the first to catch him before he fell to the floor.  
Cried as he held onto his friend, who smelled of soap and cologne and boy and everything San needed.   
Choked on his breath when Wooyoung gripped onto the collar of his shirt and pressed his lips upon San’s, mumbling a curse word over his lips at the other’s recklessness.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my darlings. Sorry that the updates have been irregular. I have been working late shifts and fathers day was yesterday in my country. Sorry as well to leave you with such a cliffhanger. Hopefully the new updates will make you feel better.  
Thank you for all the sweet comments you leave, the kudos, the bookmarks. I really treasure them all. I just really suck at replying.

_05:18_

San was breathing softly beside him and Wooyoung couldn’t help but watch.  
They had started to watch a movie way too late yesterday and must’ve accidentally fell asleep on the couch.   
It was early, the autumn sun barely up and the other members still snored, a mumble in their sleep here and there while completely unconscious to the world.   
Wooyoung was pressed against the backrest, with his hand on San’s back to keep him from falling down the edge.   
They lay face to face, legs tangled and Wooyoung sighed deeply and couldn’t help but smile at the vision in front of him.   
San’s lips were slightly parted and soft snores erupted from his throat but Wooyoung still thought he looked like an angel.   
The soft glow from the lamp in the window illuminated his features and send a shadow over his eyes that made his eyelashes look longer than they really were.   
If Wooyoung would be immortal and have all the time in the world, he’d probably watch his friend for hours, but he could already feel his stomach grumble for food.  
He reached out and moved a lock of hair that had fallen over the other’s eyes with the intent to wake him up.   
But San just groaned in his sleep, pouted and whispered an incoherent wish that whoever was touching him would stop.   
The younger smiled and felt how his heart skipped slightly as he edged closer until he pressed their foreheads together and placed a small peck on his friend’s lips.   
Brushed his nose against San’s in a sweet Inuit kiss.  
“Sannie-ah”   
Wooyoung said softly and the older groaned slightly again, pushed the leg that was already between Wooyoung’s, higher and sneaked his arm around him tighter.   
Flushing their bodies together from head to toe before he stretched out like a cat.   
“Wooyoungie”   
He hummed happily and returned the Inuit kiss before he pecked the younger’s lips and inhaled deeply while he indulged in feeling their bodies so close.  
It took another fifteen minutes before San opened his eyes.  
Wooyoung had raised himself up slightly and started the tv again, since he’d gotten bored but didn’t want to leave the comfortable place stuck between the backrest and his friend’s sleepy warm body, the hunger in his stomach be damned.   
“Morning”  
The older said and squinted slightly from the sudden brightness, burrowed his face in Wooyoung’s chest, rubbed his face there and sighed happily before he looked up again.  
“Did you really just rub the sleep out of your face on my shirt instead of using your hands?”  
Wooyoung asked, a smile tugging on his lips.  
“Maybe I did, whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?”   
San mumbled and stuck his tongue out.  
The younger couldn’t help but smile back when the dimples in San’s cheeks made an appearance.  
A smile that turned into a soft sigh as his friend reached out to comb back the hair that covered the younger's forehead.


	39. Chapter 39

_12:15_

“I’m sorry”  
It was a whisper, but San still picked up on it.   
That and the hidden sadness in Wooyoung’s voice as he sat down opposite side of him at the kitchen table.   
“Why?”   
The older of the two asked and a puzzled wrinkle appeared between his brows as he shoved another full spoon of food into his mouth.   
A bit unsure of whatever it was that made Wooyoung squirm uncomfortably in his seat to the question.  
“The other day. I… I never meant for you to… I- I mean… I never wanted… “  
He cleared his throat and San swallowed and waited, uneasy and hesitant of what Wooyoung wanted to say.  
“I’ve been thinking and… If you want us to… then I want us to be together in every way possible as well. I want us to be official. The first openly gay relationship in the history of kpop. That would certainly create some headlines, wouldn’t it?”  
Wooyoung chuckled nervously.  
Awkwardly scratched the back of his head while he avoided his friends gaze.   
Drummed his fingers against the table.  
San cringed slightly and reached out to stop the fidgety hand.   
Traced the soft lines of veins on the back of it, interlaced their fingers and met his friend’s eyes just as they travelled up from the place where their bodies connected.  
“No, I’m sorry. I was the one who didn’t think”  
San sighed heavily and pursed his lips.   
Tried to place the thoughts running in his mind in order before he let them escape his mouth.   
“We are idols. Still rookies, but with more eyes on us now than ever before and I understand that you’re afraid. I really am too. It was harsh of me to react the way I did. I just…”  
He groaned slightly, rubbed the hand that wasn’t occupied, down his face to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to say.  
“I just… I was so, so afraid that I would lose you”  
He swallowed hard.  
Felt how Wooyoung stroked his thumb with a reassuring motion.  
“I want to scream from the highest mountain top that you belong to me and me alone. I want everyone to know that I…”   
He paused, looked away and felt how his cheeks flushed red.  
“And when you said that you wanted to hide our relationship from the world. A sick and twisted part of me was convinced that you never… that you never…”  
“I do”   
Wooyoung smiled softly and squeezed his best friend’s hand.  
The three burning words left unsaid between them. 


	40. Chapter 40

_23:43_

“Hyung?”  
Wooyoung jumped up on the bed San was resting on, scooted up so that he sat between San’s legs and the older of the two looked up from the book he was reading.  
They were in a hotel room, sleepy and fatigued after arriving to Thailand just an hour ago.   
They were lucky.  
The two of them had gotten a room together since they were going to do an appearance on Twitter blue room the next day.  
“Hyung?”  
San asked back and closed the book, suddenly intrigued by the sudden honorific that Wooyoung hadn’t used since… well since they first met.  
“Why?”  
San continued and Wooyoung nervously licked his bottom lip into his mouth.  
“I wanted to ask you something and thought… well… I thought I’d be polite about it”   
He answered and San curiously flicked his head to the side.  
A small smile tugged on his lips as he placed the book on the bedside table, sat up more comfortably against the pillows piled up under his shoulders, clasped his hands to rest over his stomach and watched his friend with a look that made Wooyoung breathless.  
A small pause silenced the two busy minds as the younger of the two just sat there, with his hands resting on his folded knees, still placed between San’s, who leaned back, waiting.  
“I… I need… you”  
Wooyoung mumbled under his breath, met his friend’s eyes but quickly looked away again.   
A precious pink flushed his cheeks and San’s heart flipped hard in his chest.  
“You…?”  
He asked, the question trailed off as if he was unsure if he’d heard correctly.  
“I want you so bad it hurts. I can’t take any more of this… just kissing and holding each other… I…”   
Wooyoung got quiet again, anxiously chewed on his inner cheek when he realized he’d been rambling and sighed deeply, like he’d held his breath for a long time.   
“I… uh…”  
San was completely stumped.   
How was he supposed to answer that?   
Should he even say anything at all?  
Wooyoung sighed heavily, muttered a curse under his breath and closed the distance between them with one sharp movement.  
San flinched slightly, fully prepared to get bruised but the younger caught himself in the movement, cupped the other’s face softly and when their lips met, time seemed to travel in slow motion.   
The younger tasted off sweet iced tea and San melted to putty in his arms, sighed as euphoria exploded in his heart before the feeling spread throughout his body.  
He fell back against the pillows completely and placed his hands on his friend, pulling him down with him.   
_Wooyoung._  
The weight of his body, strong and lean from years of dancing, felt like heaven upon San’s own and he felt his breath hitch as the younger deepened the kiss, drank the taste of him, the smell, the _feeling_ and San never wanted it to stop.   
His head was swarming and the white noise that rang in his ears, like the buzz of a whole colony of angry bees, made him deaf to anything else than the sound of moans swallowed by wet sloppy kisses and the sweet gasp of surprise that fell from Wooyoung’s lips when the older pressed his growing boner on his thigh.   
The way his body screamed for more and more and _more_ and that insatiable hunger that Wooyoung lit in his body made him crazy with overwhelming feelings.  
The way his arousal hammered hard in his body.  
The rustling sound of fabric as they quickly shed their clothes.  
The hushed groan that fell from the youngers lips as San placed his hands on his naked chest.  
Placed his next kiss on the mole in the corner of Wooyoung’s lips, kissed the one underneath his left eye.  
Trailed his lips under his jaw, down the side of throat and got drunk on the way the younger moaned when he nibbled on the soft skin over the large carotid artery on the side of his neck.  
The sharp inhales of breath, as if the two of them forgot that oxygen was needed when they finally lay completely skin to skin.   
San flipped them over, and gasp escaped his mouth when the dream he’s had for so, so long now finally became realized.   
His friend was on display for him.  
Legs parted, so San could sit in between them, fingers combed through the blonde messy hair off his, chest heaving with each shaky breath and San choked on his breath again, it was inevitable, when his eyes stopped at the leaking hard cock, blood red and twitching, turned towards the other’s belly button and Wooyoung almost whimpered as his hands fiddle with the sheets at the sides to stop himself from reaching down.  
“You’re beautiful”  
San could feel his heartbeat in his ears and tears in his eyes - from arousal, from the fact that he’s so unbelievable turned on that it was on the verge of being embarrassing…  
From the sight in front of him.  
Wooyoung looked away.   
Nervously bit down on his lip and time pauses between them again, because neither knows what to do now.  
Doesn’t know how to take the next step, where should they stop?   
Wait… Did they really want to stop?   
Was San literally going to have his wettest dream ever turn reality just before midnight in a hotel the day before they’re going to do a big event?  
Wooyoung beat him to it, like he usually did, and San could only choke on a groan when his friend reached out and closed a secure hand over the length of his cock.  
“You’re overthinking too much, babe”  
Wooyoung whispered and placed a warm hand on the back of San’s head to bring him down before their lips met again.  
San saw stars in the darkness behind closed eyelids. 


	41. Chapter 41

_15:15_

They changed after that one time.   
Like that last paper-thin invisible wall between them was finally torn apart.   
The comeback rolled around with the new album.   
Promotions, stages and travelling filled their days, causing sleepless nights and days that never seemed to end.   
Wooyoung rubbed the bridge of his nose and leaned back against the wall of the waiting room they’d been placed in.  
They were minutes from entering the small radio studio.   
One member short, three of them sick with a cold and Wooyoung just wanted to go home.   
Home to the security and familiarity of their dorm.  
Home to the place where he didn't have to think about how he looked or how his voice would turn out when he sang.  
Home where he could catch San in his arms and plant a kiss on his lips as they passed each other in the corridor that connected their rooms.  
Home where he could kiss those lips as much, and for as long as he wanted.  
Don’t misunderstand.   
He loved what he was doing, what they as a unit, had created… but this comeback in particular had been tough on all of them and he longed from a small break when he could do something _he_ wanted to do for a chance.   
“Everything ok?”   
He flinched when the deep voice whispered in his ear, the hair on his neck standing when a figure came to stand right next to him.   
He turned, heart in his throat and immediately reached out to slap the arm of the person who now stood doubled over and laughing so hard Wooyoung thought a lung would burst.  
“You should’ve seen your face”  
San’s breath hitched from the lack of breath when he talked and he inhaled deeply, tried to collect himself, even closed his eyes for a few seconds to calm himself down but still only managed to hold the serious face he put on for two seconds until he started laughing again.  
Wooyoung wasn’t laughing.   
He just shook his head, like he couldn’t believe his friend and sighed deeply.   
Knew that he should be angry, because it wasn’t funny - but the dimples in San’s face and the way that he was _still_ laughing at the prank he just pulled, made the corners of his lips twitch slightly as he tried to hold his composed posture.  
“Sorry darling”  
San whispered and placed his hand on Wooyoung’s shoulder to hold himself upright.  
Wooyoung shook his head again, swept the area with his eyes to make sure that they were alone before he cupped his friends face and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, taking away both the other’s laughter and his ability to breathe.


	42. Chapter 42

_13:19_

Fans noticed the change in their relationship as well.  
The feeds of their ship name exploded with every fan sign and the numbers of photos and videos raised on every possible platform.   
San didn’t know if he should be happy and proud that they had such talented and bright fans or worried because of that same reason.  
There hadn’t been any speculations that their relationship was real in any sort of way and management had been quiet so far.   
San hoped that they didn’t know, or at least that they didn’t care as long as the two of them kept what they did behind closed doors.   
The sort of industry they were in was a whole can of worms none of them (not San, not Wooyoung and _certainly not_ management) wanted to open.   
The controversies of openly gay people in Korea was a heated subject and San cringed with uncomfortableness when he thought about it.   
It wasn’t forbidden, but they were a population driven by tradition and strict unspoken rules and while the “nuclear family” concept was a major part of that, anything that diverted from that perfect ideal was something no one wanted to have anything to deal with.   
Not San, who couldn’t imagine that he’d ever fit in with that concept.  
Not Wooyoung, who had way too much on his mind to even consider wanting a family, ever - both of them rather marrying the music, the art of dance, of expression, of freedom and colour and nature.  
Both of them rather marrying each other.   
But both of them also knew that it was still a dream to imagine something that big.


	43. Chapter 43

_21:00_

The 24th of October marked their first anniversary and Wooyoung had been fiddly all day.   
He couldn’t sit still.  
Couldn’t focus.  
Was so nervous he could feel his legs shake when they finally walked up on stage, singing the song that set the mark for them as a group and as a family almost a year and a half ago.   
They talked, cried, thanked everyone for coming, thanked the people who watched the livestream, performed and laughed and Wooyoung held his members tight when they did a group hug as soon as they had exited the stage.   
Held onto each other for a bit longer than necessary, breathing as a unit for a minute or two.   
Thankful that he had the fortune to share everything- this moment, with the people he loved.   
He looked over at San, his heart aching as the older of the two smiled through the tears that still streamed down his cheeks.   
Thankful that he found someone he considered his soulmate.   
Someone he never expected to meet at the age he was, in the industry he was working in, doing what he did for a living.   
Thankful that he could spend every waking minute watching his friend and every sleeping, being right there next to him.   
Never too far away and always keeping one eye on each other when they were apart.   
Never too far away to not be able to close the distance between them again.   
Thankful for the way that his best friend - his love, embraced him again when they were alone, after staff and the rest of the group made themselves ready to go back to the dorm.  
Hungry hands grabbing at his clothes, as if the action would force him closer.   
Thankful for the way that San’s lips moulded upon his own after they locked themselves into a bathroom a few doors down.   
The way the edge of the sink dug into the small of Wooyoung’s back when he was pressed into it by his friend’s body.   
The way San’s cock quickly got harder and harder against his thigh as the kisses got more and more urgent, more insistent, more voracious.   
Wooyoung whimpered against the others collarbone and the deep growl that escaped San’s throat made him weak in the knees.   
It was sloppy, wet and Wooyoung never wanted the high that flooded through his body and rushing through his bloodstream, to stop.   
San grabbed his hand, needy and demanding, and placed his open palm between his legs and the younger’s breath hitched when he felt the hardness there.   
A wave of confidence washed over Wooyoung as he unbuttoned the other’s pants, pulled down the zipper in one fast movement and San shuddered against him as his friend closed his hand around his cock.   
San wasn’t slow with mirroring the motion and Wooyoung melted to putty as his knees almost went out.  
Fell forward slightly with a breathless gasp and rested his forehead on San’s shoulder, watching as his best friend jerked him off too.   
Both thinking the same thing as their other hands sneaked around each other’s waist.  
San’s lips tasted sugary sweet of the cake they ate earlier, and Wooyoung was in heaven, he was sure of it.   
The intoxicating feeling of release was upon them faster than they both wanted but neither could hold back, neither _wanted_ to hold back.  
San was the one that fell first, gasping back a rumbling moan between Wooyoung’s lips, and the younger’s breath hitched as cum splattered over his clasped hands.   
The older let him go, temporarily, placed his hand over his friend’s and the hand, wet with cum now, that closed around Wooyoung again made him quiver and a small whine slipped between his lips.  
He leaned back against the mirror, gasped when San placed soft nibbles underneath his collarbone, where a shirt would easily hide the marks later.   
“Fuck, you’re so amazing Woo, so fucking gorgeous”   
San’s voice was hushed against his ear and exactly what he needed as he came so hard his knees trembled.   
Coating his best friend’s hand completely and San’s breath hitched as he did so, almost amazed like he couldn’t believe that this is reality and honestly, neither could Wooyoung himself.   
So drunk on the high from the orgasm and the love he could feel, radiating from the other that nothing else mattered.  
Not the fact that they had no idea how to escape the building in the state they were in without causing a scandal or the fact that their leader was angrily knocking on the bathroom door, telling them with an annoyed voice that he would never treat them for dinner ever again if they didn't hurry the fuck up.   
A threat that Wooyoung took very seriously, but not serious enough that he didn’t take thirty more seconds of placing another sweet kiss on his love’s lips and chuckled slightly at the mess they’d created before he reached for the paper towels behind him.


	44. Chapter 44

_11:43_

“I could stare at your eyes forever”  
Wooyoung said, clutched at San’s side as they rested on the couch at the dorm.   
The tv was on, but none of them were really watching.  
San was studying English, or at least he’d tried to until his best friend laid down next to him, even though it was clearly next to no place left for him and scooted San closer to the backrest before he placed his arm over his friend’s midriff.  
The older of the two had grumbled slightly since he was put in an uncomfortable position and Seonghwa, who’d been on the other side of the couch sighed deeply as he looked over at the two snuggling men and muttered something incoherent under his breath before he rose up from his place.   
His steps trailing off to Wooyoung and Yeosang’s shared bedroom instead.  
“First off, that’s a lie and secondly cheesy as fuck”   
San answered what Wooyoung just said but didn’t look up from the pages he read as he talked.  
Glasses adorned his face and Wooyoung pouted slightly as he nuzzled his nose onto the other’s neck and earned a startled gasp when he did so.   
San gave the younger a look of warning, brows furrowed and eyes into squinting crescents and Wooyoung knew that he tried to look pissed off at his actions but nothing he’d ever done so far had angered the other.  
“Why is it a lie?”  
Wooyoung asked instead and puffed out his chest a little.   
Ready to defend his honour.  
“Forever is a really long time, Youngie. You can barely sit still for more than two minutes, so you can’t really expect me to believe that you’d spend so much time just staring at my eyes”  
The younger of the two stuck his tongue out, the desire to defend his honour falling flat as he wasn’t really one willing to fight against a good argument.  
San chuckled softly under his breath and turned the page to the next lesson.  
A few minutes passed.  
San read the words out loud and Wooyoung mimicked the way he spoke silently to himself.   
Tried to copy the way his friend pronounced the difficult sentences, but without success.   
A minute more passed and Wooyoung was getting bored.   
He rubbed his face against the others shoulder.   
Closed his eyes and inhaled the familiar, safe smell that filled his senses and calmed his busy mind.  
“Sannie-ah”   
He said suddenly when San had turned another page.  
The older hummed in response, still not looking at his friend.  
“You can either choose to spend time with me, or you can choose to spend time with me. Those are your options”  
He said in a sugary sweet voice while fluttering his eyelashes and San shook his head in disbelief and tried to hold back a laughter.   
“What about the third option?”   
San asked and finally met Wooyoung’s eyes.  
“What?”  
The younger asked and looked back at him, puzzled.  
“You find someone else to bother and I can finish studying. We need someone else than hyung to rely on when we go abroad”  
Wooyoung pouted.  
Looked away as he felt his cheeks flush.  
Knew that it was selfish of him to crave so much attention when his friend was clearly trying to improve the way the group was perceived.   
“Maybe you need a little break? I can… I can…”  
Wooyoung started and glanced behind him towards the kitchen.  
“I can uh, make you something to eat. Bake some cookies or something”  
San met the other’s eyes.  
Wooyoung’s face was still slightly flushed a light pink, brown eyes pleading for some sort of attention.   
San sighed, knew in his heart that maybe he’d been a bit harsh with his words.   
He knew how his friend worked by now after all.   
Knew that he only craved that necessary human contact a bit more than your average person.   
And who was San to reject him that?   
He placed the book at the floor below them, placed his hand on the youngers thigh to pull it over his waist and met his friend’s surprised eyes again.  
Those eyes that darkened so incredibly fast San could feel his heart flip hard in his chest.   
He placed his hands on the others waist and (with some help) hoisted him up so that Wooyoung sat straddled over his waist.  
“What if I wanted you? You’re sweet enough to eat”  
San whispered and winked as the colour of Wooyoung’s face got darker.   
His fingers rid up the younger’s shirt slightly and Wooyoung gasped slightly with surprise as San placed his hands on the naked skin over his hips instead.   
Wooyoung’s hands splayed over his friend’s chest and he could already feel his arousal rushing through his body like a rapid fire.   
He was just about to lean down and catch San’s lips when a surprised shriek made them both flinch with surprise.  
“The living room too? My god, I knew it was a mistake to agree to live like this. What even did I expect with eight horny guys within 200 square meters? My eyes, my virgin eyes”   
Jongho’s complaining voice trailed off as he quickly fled the scene and locked himself in his room.   
The couple on the couch locked eyes and busted out in a laughing fit, thinking that maybe, just maybe, they should go into the private of one of their own rooms instead as well before things started to escalate even more. 


	45. Chapter 45

_20:09_

Sometimes Wooyoung was unsure if he could trust his heart at all.  
He knew that he, his heart, soul, mind and body that is, had made a right choice.   
About the career he’d chosen, about the group he’d been paired up with, about the decisions he made in everyday life.   
About the fact that he loved Choi San.   
But that was still something entirely else.  
Something consuming, suffocating, amazing and enticing.   
To know that every look, every smile, every laugh, every snap of those hips of his when he danced, were all Wooyoung’s.  
No one else.  
They could imagine.   
Could fantasise.   
But it was Wooyoung’s bed that San chose to crawl into when he felt lonely.  
Wooyoung’s body he pressed against the wall of a bathroom stall when they had been without close body contact for too long.  
Wooyoung’s voice that he silenced with one hand over his mouth as his other closed around the younger’s hard cock.  
Wooyoung’s cum he smeared over his bottom lip as his friend came down his throat.  
San was his and he was San’s.  
That was just the way it was.  
And it scared him.   
It scared him that all the love he felt for the other could never be out in the open.  
That it would only take one photographer in the wrong place for everything to go to hell.   
That the pure fact that they were both men was the main reason why his heart flipped with anxiousness every time San closed in on the safe distance, they always put between them when they were in public places.   
That he didn’t know if a magazine would predict his sexuality, or San’s, and put it on the front page before he’d even figured it out himself.   
It scared him so much that he was unsure if he could trust his heart _at all. _  
Because everything else, his mind, the logic part of his brain, told him to quit doing what he was doing.  
To quit acting like an idiot.   
To just wake up from the pink coloured shimmer that clouded his senses whenever he was with his best friend.  
“What are you thinking about?”  
But then that voice interrupted his anxious mind.  
“You looked so lost, Woo”  
Those arms wrapped around his body.  
“Sorry for bothering your train of thought, I just needed to…”  
Those lips were upon his.  
And he was home, wondering why he ever doubted himself.


	46. Chapter 46

_08:09_

Rain was smattering on the windows of their dorm when the question first arose.  
“Sannie-ah?”  
Wooyoung asked, just before breakfast and still sleepily cuddling his friend.   
They had a lazy day, with only dance practise and a meeting later in the afternoon planned.   
San hummed in response; eyes still closed as he nuzzled his nose into the younger’s pillow.   
The bottom mattress of the bunk beds were empty.  
Yeosang had fled the room muttering something about five years of friendship and how he has never felt so betrayed in his entire life when Wooyoung had entered their bedroom with his arm looped with San’s late in the evening yesterday.   
Loudly complaining to Yunho when he’d climbed into San’s empty bed a few doors down.  
“I uh… I was wondering if… if you wanted to… I- I mean… if you think that we are ready… because it’s totally ok if you don’t...”  
Wooyoung trailed off and San opened his eyes, curious as to why his friend seemed to have such a problem asking whatever it were, he wanted to ask.   
The younger looked away, blushing and quickly rolled around in the bed, so that his back was turned towards San instead.  
The older of the two raised himself up on his elbow and scooted closer, so that his frame was pressed onto Wooyoung’s back before he leaned over his friend.  
“What?”  
He asked and Wooyoung exhaled sharply, frustratedly at the heavy words he wanted to say.  
“Nevermind”   
He muttered and even though San wanted to press on, he decided to just leave it.  
Guessing that the question would probably rise up again if it was important.

The next time it happened, it was the same afternoon.   
They were the last ones in the dance studio.   
Goofed around to the music that played loudly.  
Came up with new twists of their choreography.   
Set a random list on shuffle and competed who’d remember the dance to it first.  
Laughed loudly whenever the other messed up.   
The song switched.  
San could see how Wooyoung’s face fell in the mirror in front of them when the notorious song “The Eve” started to play.   
He just gave the other a smirk just as the chorus started and delivered the fatal blow in the choreo that made Wooyoung’s eyes so dark San thought he’d drown in them.   
The younger’s lips were on his within two seconds and San yelped in surprise when the tackle almost made them both fall over.  
It was hurried, close to painful as teeth almost clashed and noses brushed, but the older quickly placed his arms around his friend, pulling him in closer with a tilt of his head.  
A familiar fire lit in his body and he was gasping for air within seconds, feeling like he was drowning but welcomed the feeling - leaned into it and groaned with disappointment when Wooyoung suddenly took a step back, out of San’s arms and broke them apart.   
“We should fuck”  
Time seemed to freeze around them as soon as the words fell from Wooyoung’s lips and San had to take a few seconds, still a bit lightheaded from the kiss, while his brain was processing what just happened before he could react.   
He chuckled slightly, with a voice that seemed to think that his friend was joking.  
“What, like right here?”  
He asked, brows raised as he nodded towards the dirty dance floor and Wooyoung inhaled sharply, his chest shaking slightly while he did so.   
But he didn’t break out in a smile and San’s face fell.  
He fiddled with his shirt as he realized the situation.  
Opened his mouth to try and explain himself but Wooyoung interrupted.  
“I know that you’re just joking but yes, right here, if you want to. I don’t care anymore. I’m so sick and tired of waiting for the perfect time. I just want you to fuck me for so good, for so long that the only thing in my mind will be your hands on my body and the way you’ll sound when you’re inside of me”  
Wooyoung was breathless, almost gasping for air.   
The words he’d just said left him shocked and he could feel how his whole body flushed red when San’s mouth fell open.   
“I…”  
The older tried his hardest to form a sentence or even just a few words, _any_ sort of words that would make sense.  
A few seconds passed.  
Neither of them moved a muscle.  
“I… won’t fuck you right here and now. I’ll treat you good. On a bed. With candles. All of that good stuff”  
San finally said and chewed on the inside of his cheek as his heart thumped in his chest and his stomach did somersaults.   
Wooyoung nodded slowly, knowing that for their own sakes, the floor of the dance studio was probably not the best place to get down on.  
A chuckle escaped San’s mouth as he pulled in the younger for a soft hug.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My darling's. It's here. The chapter all of you have been waiting for. Much love as always ♥

_16:34_

It was fifteen days before Wooyoung’s birthday.   
They had a fan sign in Suwon that day and nothing planned the day after.  
It took some negotiation and a few days of consideration and planning, but management finally agreed to let them spend the night alone in a nice hotel, even though the town they were going to be in was only 30 kilometres from Seoul.  
On two conditions that was - one; they had to pay everything out of their own pockets, food, the room, anything else that they wanted and two; three staff members would come with, to make sure that they weren’t going to get ambushed in case someone would recognise them.   
So here they were.   
After the fan sign was over and the other members gave them all too knowing smirks and did suggestive hand gestures that quickly made their manager close the car door in case a photographer would be within distance.   
Wooyoung thought his heart would jump out of his chest when their manager held out their room key, gave them a sharp look and for a second they both feared that the furrowed brows was out of disappointment.  
“Boys. We know. We all know. Some disapprove but most of us are happy. We just want you to be careful”   
They both nodded, felt how the anxiousness in their bodies eased off and their manager just gave them a swift nod before he turned around to enter a room a few doors down.   
It was still only afternoon so they both decided to get something to eat.  
Watched some tv, played some games and tried to act normal.  
But there was a tense feeling in the air.   
Something that neither could shake off.  
They watched the sunset, fingers laced together and it almost felt like they were going to perform a ritual when Wooyoung closed the balcony door after them, moved the curtains to cover the windows and turned around just in time to see how San grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head.  
He wet his lips, feeling nervous all of a sudden and not at all as pushy he’d been when he first requested that they’d sleep together.  
“We’re really doing this, huh?”   
He asked as San closed the distance between them with two quick steps.  
“We’re really doing this”  
His friend whispered back with a short nod and Wooyoung could see how his Adam’s apple bopped when he swallowed hard.  
The older looked up, unsure if he should proceed and Wooyoung nodded slightly, closed the last step between their bodies and grabbed the other’s hands before he put them on his hips.  
Felt how his heart raced in his chest when San’s warm hands sneaked under his shirt, grabbed the hem of it and pulled it over his head as well.  
Wooyoung bit his lip.   
He’d seen the other like this so many times, he thought he’d be used to it by now.   
But it still took his breath away.   
The way his friend was sculpted.   
The way those jeans he was wearing hugged his hips and legs.  
The way he took a shaky inhale of breath when Wooyoung admired his beauty.  
San blushed, looked away as the younger placed his hands on his thin waist, thumbs rubbing down the v shape of his hip bones.   
“I still can’t believe it”  
Wooyoung whispered, the disbelief mirrored in his voice as San locked his arms around his waist.  
“What?”  
The older asked, and Wooyoung shuddered slightly from the feeling of his hot breath on his face.  
“I can’t believe that you want me back. That the dream I’ve had for so long, long before I met you - to feel what I feel right now…”  
He looked up and met the other’s gaze, breath hitching as brown met brown and that gentle smile San only showed for him tore at the strings of his heart.   
He swallowed and sighed deeply, returned the smile and fought the emotions that bubbled in his chest and strained at his throat.  
“I couldn’t have said it better myself”  
San answered softly.  
His hands travelled up the younger’s chest and Wooyoung closed his eyes when he felt his friend cup his face.  
It started off as a gentle peck.   
Just lips pressed against each other.  
Over and over as their bodies flushed just as close.  
Belt buckles clanging against each other.   
The younger’s hands buried themselves in San’s hair.  
Tugged on the lighter shade that brushed against his neck while his friend’s hands travelled up his back, fingertips almost harshly caressed over the skin with a silent request, a need for more.  
San took a step back and Wooyoung followed, until the older’s legs hit the bed and they fell backwards in a surprisingly controlled fashion.  
San on his back now, with Wooyoung half draped over him.  
They separated, just for a second to snort out a small laugh at their own clumsiness before the younger moved to straddle his friend’s hips and the funny feeling that had paused their moment was blown away.  
San swallowed hard and his hands came to rest on the younger’s hips again.  
“I need you”  
Wooyoung whispered, out of breath and with a stomach that flipped nervously.   
Like the tiny butterflies that occupied it was fluttering upwards, making him choke on the feeling of his friend’s hard body between his legs.  
San gave him an almost pained expression, a wrinkle between his brows as his right hand came to rest on his friend’s cheek.  
Wooyoung closed his eyes again, inhaled deeply as he leaned into the soft touch.   
When their lips meet again, it was sweet.   
Gentle.  
But with an underlying craving, a greedy need for more.   
Delicate.  
But with a sense of immediate warmth as they pressed harder against each other.  
Like that invisible string that connected their bodies got shorter and shorter.  
Like the affection, the feeling of furious desire and agony that has been building up for so, so long was finally getting released into the air around them.  
Capsulated them in a time that seemed to slow down as they moved against each other.  
Coating their senses and sending the hormones that already covered their every action like a fine dust, into overdrive.  
The feeling spread through Wooyoung’s entire body and he could feel his heart sing with bliss.   
He arched his back, pressed down on the other, his appetite, the longing he felt simmering in his stomach grew in size with every short gasp of air he could manage to fit in between their lips.  
Craved more of the feeling that San painted him with, as he deepened the kiss with a small tilt of his head and coaxed Wooyoung’s lips open with a small push of the tip of his tongue.   
Craved more as the other tasted his lips with a flick of that wicked tongue and Wooyoung’s breath hitched as the ability to gain oxygen to seemed to disappear.   
His hands get tangled in San’s hair and he pulls on it hard, earning a low, dangerous groan from the other.  
San’s hands are on him, brushing down his chest, slipping his fingers under the edge of his pants.   
Pulling desperately on his belt buckle.  
Jolting Wooyoung’s entire body in the process as he almost violently unhooks it, barely letting the younger catch his breath before he undoes the button and pulled down the zipper in one swift moment.  
Wooyoung gasps again, lightheaded from the lack of oxygen and the other’s hands on his naked skin.  
He breaks away from the kiss quickly and raised himself up slightly to pull down the jeans over his thighs.   
San’s hands leave him for just a few seconds, to take off his own pants and when they finally just had that one last layer of clothing separating them, their eyes met again, and San watched him with that look.  
The one that made Wooyoung feel like he wanted to cry.  
Because everything he ever wanted, except for his dream to sing and dance until people would forget his name, was right here, right now.   
Breathing just as heavily as he was himself.  
“Can I…?”  
San asked, his voice broke slightly in the process as he taps on Wooyoung’s hips.  
The younger doesn’t answer.   
He don’t have to.  
They change position and Wooyoung can feel how nervous he really was when he slowly separate his legs.  
They had seen each other naked before.  
When taking a shower or nowadays, when they quickly mutually masturbated or just laid skin to skin because it was what they craved, _what they needed_, at the moment.  
He choked on his breath as San hooked his fingertips onto the edge and pulled down that final layer of clothes.  
Screwed his eyes shut as the other inhaled sharply when his cock sprung free, already rock hard and even though Wooyoung couldn't see, he could feel that the tip pressed onto the skin of his lower stomach.  
San groaned.  
Cursed under his breath.  
The younger carefully opened his eyes.   
Wet his lips and bit hard onto the lower one to keep a moan from slipping out between his lips as he watched his friend.  
Met those blown out dark eyes.  
A strand of hair fell over San’s eyes as he tilted his head to the side, as if he wanted to make sure that the vision in front of him was real by seeing it in another angle.   
A shaky breath shook his chest.  
“Come here”  
Wooyoung whispered and made grabby motions with his hands.  
He didn’t have to ask twice, and San smiled into the kiss as their lips met again.   
Smiled as Wooyoung’s breath hitched when he snapped his hips forward and thrusted his still clothed cock against the swell of the younger’s ass.  
San’s kisses travelled, down from the corner of Wooyoung’s lips, to his jaw.  
Placed sweet burning nibbles down his throat.  
Wooyoung’s blood was boiling and every quick heartbeat pumped it through his body until it felt like white hot flames licked at every millimetre of him.   
He couldn’t help but move, desperately craving some sort of release.  
Cock twitching against the older one’s lower stomach as they lay flush against each other and San swallowed hard from the feeling.   
Looked up from his position as his lips hovered over a hard, dark nipple and met the other’s eyes before he pressed a flat tongue over it, played with the bud and revelled in the gasp that fell from Wooyoung’s lips.  
Turned to the other while his hands stroked down the younger’s sides, hands splayed over the ribcage and another short gasp fell from Wooyoung’s lips as the possessive behaviour the other displayed made him immediately submit to the fire that burned as relentless fingertips bruised the thin skin across the bones that hid his vitals.  
Scorching kisses continued down his midriff, his belly and he choked on his breath again, hands twisting the sheet underneath him when San looked up at him again.  
Breath ghosting the tip of his cock and the younger trembled.   
Tried his hardest not to thrust up against the plump soft lips of the other.  
“Please, I… I need”  
Wooyoung could hear his voice break as he plead for the release that pricked his skin and left him breathless.  
A wrinkle appeared as the older raised his brows and a dangerous smirk took over that sinful mouth and Wooyoung suddenly understood what all the fans were talking about when they said that San looked possessed on stage, because that was exactly what he looked like now.  
With those eyes hooded into two crescents and it felt like Wooyoung looked directly into a solar eclipse because of how dark they were.  
He chewed on his cheek when the other opened his mouth, hands locked over Wooyoung’s hip bones to trap him against the bed as his tongue sneaked out to kitten lick at the beads of pre-cum that escaped the tip and stars exploded in the darkness behind the younger’s closed eyelids.  
A drawn-out curse fell from his mouth and he could almost hear how San chuckled before he repeated the action. Softly caressed the other's hipbones with his thumbs.  
“Look at me Woo”  
The older’s voice was so deep, so unlike the one he usually spoke with that Wooyoung wondered for a split second if his lover and best friend actually had been replaced with a demon at some time during their session.   
He reluctantly opened his eyes again, met the other’s eyes and could only whimper when those soft lips of the other’s closed around the head of his cock.   
“Hyung”  
The honorific fell from his lips before he could stop them and he swallowed hard when San met his eyes again, surprised, just as he hollowed his cheeks and took him even deeper.  
The wildfire, so bright and burning, both in San’s eyes and the feeling that exploded in the pit of his stomach made younger’s breath hitch again, and it felt like he was completely and uncompromising engulfed within the flames.  
His cock hit the back of other’s throat and San choked around him slightly, not used to the feeling as he focused on taking deep calming breaths through his nose.  
Wooyoung was moaning mess.  
Body desperately trashing as the muscles in his stomach constricted from the feeling of the other swallowing him down.   
The tight space that enveloped his cock made him gasp for air, but San held him still.  
Kept him from thrusting up in his mouth even further as he bobbed his head in his own pace. Humming to the taste of friend as he lapped the head again.  
Kept eye contact as he swallowed him down and Wooyoung was cursing, both at the way San was treating him and the fact that he was locked down, unable to move.  
He let go of the sheets, desperately needing some sort of control, some sort of way to be able to reach the finish line faster.   
San’s hair rippled between his fingertips as he combed through the strands, tugged on them slightly and watched as the other’s eyes rolled back just before he let his eyelids fall.   
San let go of the restriction he had on the other, at least a little.   
Allowed Wooyoung to push down his head further.  
Moaned with his mouth full when the tip of his nose nuzzled the others dark pubic hair and Wooyoung groaned loudly.  
Back arching and head thrown back against the pillows.  
Felt how that blinding release was within reach and he held out his hands, a white flag raised as he completely surrendered to the void, ready to fall backwards into the darkness.   
“Hyung. I… I’m gonna”  
And San, that bastard, let him go.  
A smirk on his lips as he wiped the saliva that had trickled down his chin and Wooyoung’s mouth fell open to protest against the pure audacity of his friend.   
He would’ve argued, if it wasn’t for the hand that immediately closed around the shaft of his cock again.   
The lazy strokes that followed made him shut up and San chuckled under his breath.  
“Be good, Woo and I’ll let you come”   
His breath hitched and he grinned widely at the words.  
“And if I’m not?”  
Wooyoung asked and regret the decision to speak against the other as the warm hand quickly left the snug place around his cock.  
He whined, with pouting lips and furrowed brows and San just shook his head with an ‘I told you so’ expression on his face.  
Wooyoung swallowed, eyes moving from the others face to the clear dent in his friend’s underwear and he felt a tinge of regret when he noticed the rather large wet spot on the front of them.  
“I can make up for the disobedience…”  
He said in the sweetest voice he could muster, and San met his eyes again just as he placed a cupped hand over the head of his friend’s cock and the older almost doubled over from the sudden jolt that ran through his body from the touch.  
Wooyoung licked his lower lip into his mouth to bite back a loud moan as San rested his forehead against his collarbone when the younger’s fingertips stroked him through the thin material.  
“Fuck, Woo”  
The older cursed and exhaled harshly against his friend’s neck, nibbling at the skin there before he managed a deep breath and raised himself up on one arm, enough to lock lips with Wooyoung again.  
This time, though, it was anything but gentle and the younger met his lips with his mouth open, tongues meeting before lips did and San whimpered, low and guttural as Wooyoung swallowed the taste of him.  
The need to control, a need that San would’ve never guessed he’d ever feel with the younger, came over him again like a cold shower again and he welcomed the feeling.  
Submitted to the darkness, the need to dominate.   
He grabbed his friend's hand firmly, the one that was currently playing with his cock softly, running his fingertips over the head and tipping his thumb into the slit over and over.  
“More”  
San groaned against his lips and Wooyoung obeyed, like he’d promised he would, and didn’t hesitate to close his hand around the other’s cock when San pulled the underwear down his thighs.  
The gasps that fell from San’s lips made him dizzy.  
He circled the tip with his thumb again, collected the beads of pre-cum there before he let his hand moves over the shaft, jerking him off hard and fast and San groaned deeply as he shuddered against him.   
“Sannie-ah… hyung… I-”  
He choked on his own spit, gasping when the older seemed to have read his thoughts.   
San leaned back, half sitting up, towering over the younger on his kneecaps with his toes digging into the mattress for support.   
Quickly glanced down and inhaled sharply as he let his gaze rest on the way Wooyoung tugged on his length.   
The way his cock flopped back against his belly button with every stroke as the younger loosed his grip slightly at the base.  
He opened his mouth, allowed some saliva to fall from his bottom lip and watched as the spit spread over his friend clasped hand, mixing with the pre-cum there.  
He heard how the younger groaned at the action and looked up to meet his eyes, drunk with ecstasy.   
High from the serotonin jumping through the nerve endings in his brain before sending the feeling of euphoria through his body.   
He reached out, pressed his fingertips against Wooyoung’s lips and his friend opened his mouth without a question.  
Closed his eyes as San pushed past his lips, coaxing him to coat the fingers properly with saliva before he removed them again.   
A warm hand softly separated his legs even further and Wooyoung looked away, his cheeks flushing when San reached for a pillow beside him before he gestured for the younger to raise his lower half so he could place it under his waist.  
The older flinched slightly when Wooyoung let go of his cock, already missing the feeling but knew that he had to stay focused if this would be comfortable for the both of them.   
“We’re idiots”  
San whispered and Wooyoung swallowed when he realised the same mistake.   
They missed two vital parts, condoms and more importantly, since they both were 100 % sure that they didn’t carry any diseases, lube.  
“I’ll be patient”   
The younger promised, heart in his throat as he separated his legs further.   
He braced himself for pain, even closed his eyes again, but the pain never came and when he opened his eyes again, San looked back at him with a big sigh.  
“You need to relax”  
The older said and was immediately met with a roll of the other’s eyes.  
“Choke on my dick and maybe I will. You’re not the one about the get fucked in the ass”  
San scoffed but did as the younger said without a heartbeat’s hesitation.   
The vibrations from the older’s chuckle when a silent scream fell from Wooyoung’s mouth as soon as his friend closes his lips around his cock again, just made everything even more intense.   
San reached up again, took a moment to his advantage and pressed his index and long fingers so far into the younger’s mouth that he could feel his oesophagus clench around his fingers.  
He chuckled again but was silenced as Wooyoung thrusted harshly upwards as revenge, and San’s eyes watered as the other’s cock almost painfully hit the back of his throat again.  
He removed his fingers, and while they were still coated in spit, circled Wooyoung’s hole, opened his eyes when the motion earned him a surprised gasp from the younger and took him so deep into his throat as he could in the same moment as he pushed in his finger.   
It was beautiful, even through the teasing and fucking around with each other they’d just done, to watch as Wooyoung lost it so… completely.  
San’s eyes teared up again, but this time it was because of a completely different reason than the pain that tore at his throat.  
Wooyoung writhed underneath him and San let the other’s cock fall from his mouth.  
Reached forward to lean over his friend.  
“San”  
Wooyoung whined, breathless as he opened his eyes again, fingers quickly entangled in the older’s hair as he pushed him down for another kiss.   
Lips falling open as San adds another finger, carefully scissoring them while pumping them in and out and Wooyoung choked on his breath every time the older tickled that bundle of nerves inside him with his fingertips that make stars dance in front of his eyes.   
They make eye contact, and Wooyoung can see his own reflection in the darkness of those eyes, sees the way he looks, all flushed pink with his mouth open, panting with his brows furrowed with concentration.  
He looks away, embarrassed but San doesn’t let him.  
He leans back, to keep his balance and place the hand that held him upright, on Wooyoung’s chin and even though the motion is careful he still forced his friend to meet his eyes again.   
“Look at me… You… You’re so beautiful it hurt and the way-”  
He paused to look down at the way his fingers are being swallowed by the other’s tight hole, over and over again.  
“Fuck, I-”  
“I… I can’t take it anymore, I’m ready”  
Wooyoung interrupts and San swallows hard, nods and spits in his hand before he gives his cock a few strokes.   
Makes sure to coat it as properly as he could with the means they had.  
Wooyoung’s heart thumped so hard he can hear it in his ears.   
He place legs around San hips, pulling him in closer by latching them together behind his back and San locks eyes with him again as he guides the tip of his cock against the other’s entrance.  
… It doesn’t necessarily hurt.  
The feeling is just… new… and San cursed loudly under his breath as he pushed in the head of his cock, already breathless as Wooyoung squirms to the uncomfortable feeling.  
“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but you need to relax Woo”  
San tries to say as he presses his forehead against the younger and Wooyoung gasps loudly when the other tries to move again.   
San placed a sweet kiss on the other’s lips.   
Tries to make him think of anything else than the intrusion feeling of the other’s cock pushing deeper and deeper into him.  
It helps.  
The feeling of San’s lips moving against his as the older bottoms out inside of him and Wooyoung can only moan out when his fingers close around his cock, pulling at the length while San tries his hardest not to move another muscle until the younger says it’s ok.  
He blinks away the tears in his eyes as Wooyoung constrict around him, getting more and more used to the feeling of being filled up.   
“You’re doing so good, baby”  
San swallows hard and moans as he feel how Wooyoung’s hand brushes against his stomach when he jerk himself off to take his mind off San’s cock twitching inside him.  
An agonising moment pass and even though it feels like five minutes, no more than thirty seconds has probably passed.  
“You can move now”  
He starts out slow, head falling back when the first jolt of his hips rocks the younger’s body.  
Indulge in the way Wooyoung sound when the tip of his cock nudges against his prostate.  
Loved the way Wooyoung looks up at him, eyes drunk and hooded as he lazily stroke the underside of his cock to the pace that San has set.   
Moaned loudly when he picked up the speed and Wooyoung’s eyes fall back as his back arches from the pleasure that shoots up his spine.   
Cursed even louder when his best friend, his lover, spreads his legs even wider and places them on his shoulders instead and San sinks lower into him than before.  
The younger is a mess underneath him.   
Groaning and cursing under his breath with his arms thrown over his head, cock flopping against his lower stomach now with every thrust San moves his body with, too scared that he’ll come too fast if he keeps touching himself.  
He holds onto the pillow his head in resting on, swallows hard as San grips onto his hips, moving his whole body down to impale him on his cock as he jolted his hips forward to meet them.   
“Are you close Wooyoungie?”  
San’s voice is laboured, and he breathes hard with the question and Wooyoung opens his mouth to answer but realise that no words come out, so he settle with just nodding shortly.  
So close now that he only needs to take a step backwards and he’d fall into the abyss.  
He reaches out, place his hand in the softness of the others hair in the back of his neck and San’s whimper is muffled by Wooyoung’s lips as they press their lips together.  
It’s hungry, without control and less of a kiss than just the need to taste each other.  
Wooyoung clenches around him.  
It’s totally without his control and only because the sudden closeness between them caused the lower part of their bodies to rub against each other.  
Stuck between two clenching stomach was the younger’s neglected cock and the pleasure that shot through Wooyoung with the friction caused him to clench.  
But it was enough to send San toppling over and just like that, he paused, breath hitching as his eyes rolled back and Wooyoung gasped with realisation as the other’s cock twitched inside him, painting his insides with ribbons of warm cum.   
He shuddered, arching his whole body to the satisfying feeling and San wasted no time, not even down from his high before he started to move again, closed one secure hand over Wooyoung’s cock and locked their lips together again.  
Taking away his friend’s ability to breathe completely.  
Wooyoung fell not shortly after, not able to continue holding on as the other squeezed just right around his cock.   
San gasped at the sight, choking on his breath for probably the hundredth time as Wooyoung flinched when the overstimulation kicked it.   
The older pulled out slowly and then they lay there, tangled in a sweaty, nasty smelling mess but happier than they have ever been.  
San held onto him, _his Wooyoung_ and smiled while placing a kiss on his forehead.   
The younger placed a hand on the other’s cheek and couldn’t help but smile back when his friend leaned into the touch, wondering for a moment, while San’s eyes were closed and Wooyoung’s heart was so full he thought it would burst.  
_What did I ever do to deserve you?_


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one. Thank you so much for all the support I've recived.  
Please do tell me what you thought about it.  
♥

San considered himself a free spirit, a traveller in many ways than just going from place to place.   
Ever since he was just a child, growing up with a dream too big for the small town he was born in.  
Always willing to risk looking like a fool- for love- for his dreams- for the adventure of being alive.   
Always with one eye at the stars in the sky, aiming for them- letting them guide him as he got older.   
Always with a compass in one hand and a microphone in the other, until he met Wooyoung, and everything changed.

San considered himself a passenger, an adventurer on the go, but never with a home.  
He found comfort in the place he was born in.   
The house he grew up from boy to a teenager with a dream, with his biological family.  
The dorm he grew up from a teenager to a man with that dream slowly getting realized, with the family he’d earned from the choice he’d made.  
But he was never content, always on the go, always ready to move on.  
Time passed and he found himself dropping the tight hold of that compass of his more often.  
Found himself less keen on picking it up again whenever he met his best friend’s eyes.  
Found himself not caring if it got lost, until that one day, on the 10th of July, when the compass disappeared completely- the very moment Wooyoung closed that last millimetre of distance between them and pressed his lips against San’s own.

San considered himself an explorer, always ready to find the next party, the next place he could wreck with the energy that bounced off him like waves.  
Always ready to be the life of that next party.  
The mood maker.  
Always ready to bend himself backwards for the pleasure to rejoice among people.  
For everyone else to place a liking in him.  
Time passed again and he found himself suddenly not caring what anyone else thought, as long as those bleached blonde locks were the only thing that captivated his vision.  
Those dark eyes.  
That smile.  
That laugh.  
That body.  
That warmth that embraced him when he woke up crying in the middle of the night.  
That love that filled him up until he was gasping because everything Wooyoung did made him lose his breath in the best way possible.

And then that day happened, on the 26th of November, when everything fell into place.   
When Wooyoung laced their fingers together as they looked up on the same stars that San used to look up upon when he dreamed of the future outside the house, he grew up in.  
When Wooyoung met his eyes and San saw stars in them too, mixed with the dark brown, behind even darker lashes.   
Half covered by the light, soft hair of his.  
When Wooyoung swallowed hard and squeezed San’s hand.  
When Wooyoung sighed deeply, smiled with that smile he only saved for his best friend.   
“I know that you know. But I just need to say it once”  
And San knew that he could stop traveling.  
He didn’t need a compass anymore.  
Didn’t need to use the stars as a guide to find the right path anymore.  
Didn’t need anyone else than the person in front of him.  
“I love you”  
Because his home was right there, holding his hand, promising with those burning words that he’d never let go.

_I love you too_

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. Please do tell me if I have made any mistakes ♥ Thank you as always for reading.


End file.
